Knockin‘ Doorz Down
Knockin‘ Doorz Down Informative, engaging, and humorous conversations to end the stigma around addiction and mental health issues. Hosted by Jason LaChance who has faced his alcoholism, addiction, anxiety, and depression on his journey of self-discovery. Real raw and true stories featuring guest celebrities, everyday people, and experts in the areas of addiction, trauma, and mental health. Sharing their experiences and how they were able to break through and live a purposeful life with passion, and inspiring others to be their best selves. If you‘re looking for weekly inspiration, some laughs, how our guests climbed out of dark times, and motivation to push through, subscribe now. New episodes Mondays!
2 days ago
2 days ago
Why did I want to talk with frank Rich on the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast? Frank Rich is a former bodybuilder entrepreneur, men's health coach, and the host of The Super Human Life Podcast. After living with and battling addiction, depression, and anxiety for almost 20 years, he is on a mission to help men who are suffering from the same issues take back control of their lives through the power of faith and fitness. Frank has helped thousands of men transform their physiques through his online coaching platform where he provides content, programs, and services to men looking to build more muscle, drop body fat, and build their greatest bodies. He is also the founder and the CEO of Rebuilt Recovery, a company based on a growth-centric holistic approach to addiction recovery. Rebuilt Recovery provides fitness training for men going through recovery as well as one-to-one coaching for men aiming to break free from porn addiction. His goal is that by being open and transparent with his struggles and having real and raw conversations with others who have overcome adversities he can empower you to face your darkness take control and ultimately create the life you've always dreamed of, your own, Super Human Life. This is Frank Rich in her own words on Knockin' Doors Down. For more on Frank Rich, his coaching, and The Super Human Life Podcast. https://www.rebuiltrecovery.com/ For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ For more on Athletic Greens and to get your free, One Year Supply of Vitamin D3+K2, 5 Travel Packs with your subscription. https://athleticgreens.com/emerging Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing conversations of hope at prosperity at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #mentalhealth © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved.
Sunday Sep 18, 2022
Sunday Sep 18, 2022
Why did I want to talk with Melissa Bright on the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast? Melissa is a professional self-esteem coach and is the award-winning host of The Bright Side Of Life podcast. She struggled with self-worth, not loving herself fully, looking at the world with limiting beliefs, living by someone else's standards, being a perfectionist, being a people pleaser, self-sabotaging, seeking outside validation, lacking self-confidence, and not practicing a lot of self-care. Much of this stemmed from her childhood, in which her parents divorced, her dad wasn't present and her mother struggled with sobriety. After losing her Mom at the age of 25, she would spend the next ten years not processing the trauma, losing self-confidence along the way, and feeling alone in her struggles. This all came to a head in 2020 when the whole world was hurting, Melissa decided to turn her pain into her purpose and start healing. Simultaneously while starting therapy, she started thinking about her true purpose in life. She looked out into the world and saw other people hurting as well, and she wanted to help. Now she puts the joy back into people’s hearts through her podcast, The Bright Side of Life, where she talks to people that have successfully navigated their way back to joy and happiness despite their struggles, pain, and grief. All those things she struggled with kept her from lots of things: goals, a great relationship with her boyfriend, a great relationship with herself, and living as her true self. She has done the work to say, "I am now in a completely different place and I no longer struggle with those things. I know who I am, where I am going, what I want to accomplish, and what I have to offer." Now she helps others do the same. This is Melissa Bright in her own words on Knockin' Doors Down. For more on Melissa Bright, her coaching, and The Bright Side of Life Podcast. https://www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com/ For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing conversations of hope at prosperity at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #mentalhealth © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved.
Sunday Sep 11, 2022
Sunday Sep 11, 2022
Why did I want to talk with Ryan Cook on Knockin' Doorz Down? Ryan is a professional Fishing Guide and is in recovery from Opioid addiction. His passion for fishing helped not only save his life but it has allowed him to give back, help families bond over fishing, and become a mentor to youth as well as those in the special needs community. This is Ryan's second time on the podcast, on this episode he and I get more into what has worked for him in recovery. What did he have to come to terms with in reconciling his past? We also openly discuss our anxiety and depression as well as the use of prescription medication with the goal of ending the stigma around its use for those who it can benefit. Soon to be married and continuing to grow as a person, partner, and professional Ryan continues pushing through the hard times with a greater sense of purpose. This is Ryan Cook in his own words on Knockin' Doors Down. For more on Ryan Cook Fishing https://www.instagram.com/Ryancookfishing/ https://www.facebook.com/ryancookfishing/ For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #mentalhealth © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved. Transcript I mean, I've got my struggles, you know? Sure. It's it's not like life is easy. I mean, I still, I still battle depression and anxiety. You know, the first and foremost, one thing I wanted to say is, is for anybody new in recovery, or that's going to be new in recovery. I think one of the, one of the biggest mistakes, people, new people, new and recovery make is they try to reclaim too much too quickly. This is the knocking doors down podcast. I speak with those who have taken the darkest times of their lives and share their stories to educate, motivate, and inspire others, to be their best self that's. What knocking doors down is all about. I'm your host, Jason. I accepted that I'm powerless against alcohol and in my sobriety, I've confronted my unaddressed childhood and adult trauma as well as severe anxiety and depression and my guest Ryan Cook. Why did I want to talk to Ryan? He's one of our early guests here on the knocking doors down podcast. I wanted to do a follow up cuz his life has changed so much. Since the last time we spoke. Ryan is a professional fishing guide and Ryan is an inspiration to so many others, including me. He turned his opioid addiction around and has built an amazing life for himself. We talked strategies and things that worked in his recovery as well as talking about the love of his life. If this is your first time listening, please hit subscribe on whatever platform you're listening on. Apple podcast, Spotify, and please subscribe to the YouTube channel as well. All the links are in the description. We couldn't do knocking doors down without 51 50 LTM. If you want some cool hats, shirts, sweatshirts, maybe some sweatpants. I've got my favorite camouflage, 51 50 sweatpants on right now, head on over to the store and check it out by going to 51 50 ltm.com or click to link in the podcast description. Then at checkout, use a code K D D 20 that's K D D two, and get 20% off your entire order. Time to skin the smoke wagon. That's a little tombstone for, I got it's All good. Hey, the last time I saw you, you know, it was thinking about this. My kids were pulling 13 fishes out of the lake when I was pulling zero. I, I do recall that. I do remember that we had a good time. We did. That was fun, man. It was awesome. It's good to have you back on man. And you know, I wanted to have you back on cuz a talking a lot more about opioid addiction and B you know, you've been in building an amazing life for yourself. And I think that's one of the important things, but tell me this with your experience, when you really confronted your opioid addiction and people, you can go back, Ryan, I think you were like our fifth or eighth episode somewhere. It was early on. Yeah, yeah. On the podcast. But I'm finding from people that I talk to, you know, alcoholics I'm, you know, cuz I am, I'm dug into that a lot. Right? Definitely. A lot of us childhood trauma there's a lot of research on our brains are a bit different than other people's brains, especially, you know, self deprecation seems to be a natural part of it. Right. But when we talk to you, you didn't really highlight any sort of a big tea trauma of childhood. Right. But I'm finding that with opioid addiction, as some people it's just fucking getting them, that's it? Yeah. It's just one of those things that just gets them. It just get hooked. Well, it gives you, it, it gives you this. I almost hate to say this, but it, it gives you an amazing feeling, whatever, you know, whatever you're doing at the time, it makes it better. Yeah. It makes it more fun. And it's awesome until it's you're broke and you don't have them and you can't sleep at night and your legs are kicking and you're throwing up and you've got the sweats and all of a sudden it's just like what happened? And it's too late. It's, it's a, it's a, oh, it's just a really, really quick downhill spiral. And it happens so fast. I mean, yeah. We talked about it. I went from being 2112. I bought a house at 21, had a great job fishing. All these tournaments just won a bass boat to losing everything foreclosing on the home. The truck's gone, the boat's gone. You're broke. Don't have enough money to even go get high and life just sucks. And it's like, happens like that. It's it's crazy. Yeah. How long was I? I don't recollect the process from you to 21 with the house to actually going and getting treatment. So I, well, I bought the house at 21. I didn't start getting, I didn't get hooked on pain pills till I was like 23, 24. But from the time from the, and I'm just spit balling here. I don't know exactly. But from the time I took my first Vicodin to the time that I lost everything and was in rehab even for the second time. Cause I went two months in a row, basically. It was no more than nine months. Holy shit. No, it was just like that because it started with Vicodin. Right, right. You pop a couple at work. Next thing you know, you're popping four or five and we talked, I don't wanna repeat everything I said on the first podcast, most of these people probably haven't heard it. You go from four or five Vicodin to all of a sudden, somebody says, well dude, it's, it's gonna be healthier on you just to take an Oxycontin. Right, right. You don't have all these set of medicine. You're killing your liver. Okay. When I crushed up my first 80 milligram Oxycontin snorted that that's when everything was just, oh dude, it was gone. Yeah. I mean, everything was gone like blink of an eye. I mean, I, and this is even winning a $50,000 bass boat, you know, and selling that, having that money or it even prolonged it. Sure. Without that it would've been done even quick. It would've been over even quicker, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that's, you know, for the people that, to let you know Ryan fishing guide, this is your passion. I mean, you do not amazing work with people and families, you know, special needs kids in the community, but also part of it, a lot of giving back into and charity through, through that work that you're passionate about. But yet that became, that wasn't important anymore. Oh, none of it was important. That's the thing. I mean it turns and I don't care what, what your addiction is, right? Sure. It's it, it can be meth. You can be a full blown alcoholic. You can be addicted to sex. You can be addicted to gambling, whatever it is that becomes your priority. You know, you love your family, but, but, but you love that high more. Yeah. You know, that's all it boils down to. I mean, it makes you do things you would never do say things you would never say. You know? I mean I had burnt every bridge out there I had, you know, I had, and I'm just, I'm, I'm just saying this. So people know, you know, because, and I'm in a great place now, but they, they need to know to never give up hope. It's never too late. But I mean, I had hot checks written out to every business in town that I could, you know, I had every payday cash loan place tapped out. I mean, I, I, you know, I, I had, you know, owed tons of family, a bunch of money. You, you just, you just start scrambling and you don't care. Yeah. So, and it's just crazy to me cuz we did have another gentleman on here was a NFL lineman, Randy Grimes. And that's when I pressed him to, you know, like, okay, what was the trauma? He's like, no, I grew up in a, you know, a good Christian home and my parents were very loving, but you know, once I was there in the NFL and the, the injury started and here it is, and all of a sudden that pain's gone or whatever, but yeah. But then you like it so much that, you know, you're not wanting to nod out on vacation with your family or whatever. So you're popping these things and he was up to like 60 a day. Oh yeah. So it's No, it happens quick. It, and it, your tolerance builds so fast. That's, that's the problem. And even people, you gotta be so careful with opiates and luckily doctors have made it a lot tougher now to get 'em. I mean, I was 23, 24 years old. I was getting three different prescriptions for three different strengths of Oxycontin a month with, and they didn't even have x-rays on me. I just said my back hurt, you know? Right. Which, and it, it didn't, I just, I just got 'em but So it wasn't an injury that led to It. No, strictly recreational, Huh? No, I'd never had an injury. I just said my back hurt literally that's that's used to be that easy to Get 'em and they were like, try this. Yeah. It started off with Vicodin and I started saying, you know, well it's not really doing okay, well here take this Oxycontin. Then I I'd go in there. You know? And you'd, you'd go finagle your way. Well, the 80 milligrams are kind of strong for during work I need. So then they'll give you thirties, you know? And it's, it's just, it's ridiculous. But even people that are just taking opiates, I mean, as needed, you have an injury. Yeah. You gotta be so careful because all of a sudden, couple weeks down the road one doesn't do it. So then you need two, then you need three and you might, you might not be addicted to them, but you become dependent, dependent on them. And there's a big difference in dependency. Yeah. And addiction, but they're both dangerous because at some point you gotta stop and people that don't realize it, they, they don't know how hard it is to stop because of what you have to go through. Yeah. Mentally and physically the mental part's worse than the physical part. Yeah. I, I got, I wanna say it was an oxycodone, which I don't know my opioids opioids well enough, but I'm pretty sure it's an Oxycontin derivative. Maybe it's got some of the aspirin or whatever in, when I got my vasectomy. Right? No more kids for this guy. That's detach here. The world doesn't need anymore. In my offspring, really? It was out responsibilities like, okay. Two is two's good enough. I will, I will be there in responsible, you know? Right, right. But yeah, I noticed even, so I took it for like two days, only one each, each day. And this is the word thing about the addict brain, because we were talking through text, like you have no problem with alcohol. You can have a drink or even half of it. And eh, I don't need to finish this. Whereas me it's like, dude, that peers, you're not gonna finish that here, go I'll finish it for it. That would be me. Whereas with the opioids, like the second day, like I got a little bit of shake in the night for my legs. And I was like, fuck this shit. I flush it down the toilet. So it's bad. So it's a trip of how addiction works. And one thing, you know, affects one person and not the other like, right. Like technically I guess maybe weed would be the last thing I quit with the exception of, I did have a fall off as of this recording. I think it's 18 months ago today. But like for that was a take her or leave it. I just have really bad anxiety. Right. The kids wouldn't be home, had this little tiny vape thing, one little puff off of it. Cool. I want to eat now and go to bed. Right. You know, so it's just, And your life's not in shambles and you're not losing your car in your house, you know? Yeah. Or crashing my car And people need, it's just self-awareness right. I mean, I'm not one of those and if you're big into AA and NA, and that works for you, that is great. Yeah. It has saved so many people's lives. I'm not one that, that, that I don't go by the rule book, you know? Sure. When it comes to recovery. I mean, because they told me when I went through all the, you know, well, you can't ever drink again. I'm like, well, I'm not an alcoholic. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm a drug addict. Right. And yeah. With some people you can, some people you can't, you know, just like I can go out and have a few drinks. I, I, we can go to a party and, you know, catch a little buzz. Right. And I don't need to do it the next night, you know? Right. But if, but, but you gotta be self-aware and when you're getting into recovery, you need to be very careful because you, you don't wanna start down any, any slippery slope, you know? So self-awareness is key. Yeah. But when you're new into recovery, you don't know what you can and can't do. Yeah. Because you're so screwed up. You gotta give your, your brain time to heal. Yeah. No matter what your drug choice Is. I mean, shit, at least that at least a good year, at least Minimum. Yeah. And for me, it's like people, even, you know, where it's, where it's come up. Well, you've really dealt with a lot of the underlying issues and your life is on track. Like, you know, are you sure you can't have one? It's like, I don't even care. I would rather continue to go through the rest of my life. Yep. Thinking I'm an alcoholic than proving that I am Exactly. You know, I'm just not gonna do it. Right. And yeah. And that's me with the pain pills. So like I said, I can take, you know, I, I can take or leave alcohol. Right. Take it or leave it. No problem. But when I go to a, like my primary care physician, and if I go to a new doctor for any reason, I tell them when I walk in the door, I cannot have any narcotics. Right. No matter what, I don't care. If I come in here and my leg is completely broken in half, I cannot have narcotics. Cuz I know where that's gonna lead me. There's no way I'm gonna be able to stop. Yeah. I Just can't and you've built a hell of a life for yourself. So it's not you. I have, yeah. Our next partner has a product. I use literally every day I started taking a G one because I wanted better gut help, more energy. And to optimize my immune system. If you're like me, you hate popping pills, taking vitamins. Well, I wanted to supplement that actually tastes great. And I wanted to see what the hype was all about. So what is this stuff? 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All you have to do is visit athletic greens.com emerging again, that's athletic greens.com emerging to take ownership of your health and pick the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Yeah, no I same way I had to go. Cause I'm at that age. So I had to get the camera up. My ass, the colonoscopy. Oh boy. Yeah. Cuz it runs in my family to have colon issues. Did He kiss you on the neck first though? He did. He was very loving stroke. My arm. There you go. Oh dude. It was a nice, so the nurse, whatever re like I'm a skinny dude. You can find a vein in six seconds. My tattoos aren't high and this nurse poked me like 75 times. Oh. And so I was bruises. Just jabbing at you. Yeah. And then the doctor comes and goes, let me see your right arm. And he goes, boo. And he goes, can you count backwards for me? I'm like 100 and then I'm awake. I didn't Remember. Oh, they put you out for it. Oh yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. But I was scared because I, when I had my consultation, I said, Hey, I just, so you know, I'm in recovery for alcoholism cuz they use a level of fentanyl to put you out. Right. Which of course we'll get into that and hitting the streets now. And of course you as an opioid addict, my God so bad. But yeah, it was like, I, I was fucking next thing I know, waking up your girlfriend's in the lobby and everything like, huh? You know, you'll, you'll have some bleeding for a while. Oh boy. That's just part of it. We gotta do it as we get older, you know? Well at least, well, yeah, I'm 37. So I don't know. Yeah. You're a young Buck I'm not looking for. Oh, but I got high mileage man. High mileage. Know what I mean? Like, yeah. They're not freeway miles either, but no, I feel I 37 I feel 56, but No, come on. You're like one of the most brightest guys I know we get up. It's the only time I've seen my kids enthusiastic that early in the morning. Cuz we met you at the lake at like six o'clock to go fishing, whatever it was. And my, my daughter like man, the sun's coming up. I could still see SARS. This is so awesome. We're gonna get out there on the Lake's She's a character. She was hilarious. I had so much fun that day. Oh they're they're blasting. No, I, I love my job. You know, I feed off of energy. I get people out on the boat. We have a blast. I mean it just, yeah, it it's, it's so awesome to be able to do this. Yeah. You woke me up that morning. I was like, Hey, all we got out there on the boat and you're like, all right, we're going to this Cove. And here it is. And I'm like, all right, this is what I'm talking about. This fucking cool. Yeah. But so you are a doctor shopper though. You never went to the streets or No? No. I, 100% went to the streets. Did you? Well, and my, so I don't even know if we got into this last time, but what started off as all opiates? Once I quit the opiates. Well, I transitioned into meth for about another year. Oh Shit. No I Don't. I ended up, I ended up completely homeless down in Southern California. Oh no, I didn't recollect that. Yeah, no, I was bouncing if I could afford it hotel to hotel sometimes on the street, you know, it just, yeah. I, I, I wound up strung out bad on meth, which that's oh, that's a whole nother animal itself. But yeah, that was almost hard. That was almost mentally harder, harder to quit than, than the opiates. Cuz the, the depression, when you stop the depression and anxiety is overwhelming. Sure. Completely overwhelming. And that, you know, that's one of those deals. It just, it, it, oh man, that was hard. But the, the meth will take you, you know, with the opiates, it was always like, I lost money. I lost, you know, relationships, that kind of stuff. But for whatever reason with the meth, like it, it got me in trouble with the law really quickly. Right. You know? I mean, I, yeah, it's a whole nother story, but I used to be, I did little hauling and moving jobs down there, you know? Oh, okay. And I just, all of a sudden, I'd wake up with cops knocking on my window and I'm like in the home Depot parking lot, I went to get some tools for something and I'd just pass out. You know, you're just done for like two hours just, yeah. It just happens randomly. It it's crazy, but Don't drugs are bad. Okay. Just drugs are bad. Just go ahead and stay away From him. Yeah. No, my, I, I have yet to release it cuz it's probably gonna be the toughest episode for me to put out. I talked with my dad about his addiction and meth was the primary thing, you know, truck driver and stuff like that. My dad, you know, he stepped Very prevalent with truck driver. Yeah. Especially in that era that, that eighties, you know, nineties and I mean, he's a, he's a, if you, if you go trauma big T he's a shit ton of him. It's like to be the man he is now today. But yeah. I've just had trouble in releasing that one. Cuz afterwards there's so much I learned that I didn't know. And it was like, oh fuck. And you learned it, just recording this podcast. Yeah. I knew, I knew the addiction of course. Cause I grew up around it. I almost think I sort of went that path to kind of understand cause my dad and I weren't close until like my early mid twenties. Right. And, and my parents still married. So it wasn't like he wasn't around, he was around, he just wasn't around, you know what I mean? Very hard work and learned work ethic from him and stuff like that. But yeah, it's just when he divulge that, he's like, yeah, you'll do things that you just wouldn't do. He's you know, all of a sudden your mind goes and you're, you know, already being a diagnosed sex addict and he's like, and then the behavior that you'll go to that you just wouldn't as a sober person and It completely changes you. Yeah. It's just like unreal. Yeah. Just UN unreal. No, it, it, it completely changes you. And that again, that happens so, so fast, you know, cuz, and back in the like back in the day they had the crank, you know, so it was a little bit different. The, the stuff they have now, I mean this, this, this methamphetamine keeps you high for 24 hours, you know? I mean it, it's not like quick and it, and then so you go 24 hours or you do it on a weekend. Next thing you know, it's Monday, you need to go to work. You haven't slept. You feel like crap. So you either take a couple days off and recoup or you gotta do it again. Yep. So, and that's the next thing, you know, you're, you're strung out on meth. Yeah. So yeah. No man. I've been, I've been through it all, you know I've I've yeah. I'm just, I am so grateful that I'm not that person anymore. You know? I love, I, I love my life. I mean, you know, I, I get to fish for a living. I get to go take these kids out, take these. I had a 94 year old, 95 year old world war II vet out this Year. No way. Yeah. I had a four year old whose dad called me. He has a bass boat. He bass fishes. He was struggling to get the kid on fish. He wants his son to go fish with him. You know, he's a little buddy. And he's like, he has no attention span. He's like Brian, if, if he lasts two hours, don't have your feelings hurt. You know, he doesn't really like this. I just want him to like it. Yeah. You know, and we took that kid out. We did the full seven hours and he's crying. He didn't wanna go home. You know? So I just, it, it's awesome to be able to get to do that. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I'm engaged to the love of my life. We're getting married October 15th, you know, like which, and she's a, I, I tell people all the time, she's a solid nine and I'm the one she to Tell, You know? But yeah. I mean, she's Know man, you, you put, you put the stuff down and just, you put one foot in front of the other and you just start grinding and you stay consistent, whatever it is that you want do. And it's amazing what you can achieve. Well, I tell me once you, how long do you think it took you before you really start to get faculties back? Because people I think have this misconception, you hit rehab and especially with insurances nowadays, if you can get a full 30 days in rehab, it's a miracle now, right? Let alone is sober living and carry on and so on and so forth. But just because you do that, you're not cured. It's you acknowledge it. I can never like 30 days is nothing by the Way. Yeah. I gotta let my doctors know I go into the office. Hey, I don't give any sort of opioid of any kind. No, no narcotics. Cuz I will be here. You want to know what'll happen to me here, listen to this. But that the things started to return. You know, you talked about the anxiety coming off of me, all these things. It's stuff that we just, and some of us are like, I never realized I had anxiety. I knew I had depression. Yeah. It started when I was going through puberty. Right. But I never knew I had anxiety. Right. Until probably the last couple of years I was like, oh yeah. Oh shit. I've done a lot of this stuff to handle anxiety. Right. So how did you start and what tools do you maybe use to, to help keep you kind of on the straight and narrow? Well, yeah and I still, I mean, I've got my struggles, you know, it's just not like life is easy. I mean I still, I still battle depression and anxiety. You know, the first and foremost, one thing I wanted to say is, is for anybody new in recovery or that's going to be new in recovery. I think one of the, one of the biggest mistakes, people, new people, new and recovery make is they try to reclaim too much too quickly. You know, it's a process. It's not all gonna come back right away. You, you need to just grind and just trust the process for me personally, luckily I'm very busy. My days on the water are long, I Diana can tell you I'm always tired, which is great for me. Okay. When I have a bunch of free time and I've had a bunch of sleep and I've got a bunch of energy and nowhere to put it, it, it's not bad. My brain races, it doesn't stop. So I get to, I, I get to focus and harness on the good stuff. Right. You know, I'm up most mornings at 3:34 AM. You know, I'm not getting home until, you know, four or five, a lot of days. So those 12 hour days in the sun and ever, you know, you think, oh, you go fish, you just hang out. I mean, you've seen me. It's a lot of work, you know, it's mentally it's, it's, it's, it's exhausting because I put so much pressure on myself to perform, to get my clients on fish. Cuz obviously that's, you know, that's, that's what they're looking for. They don't wanna go take a boat ride. Yeah. That helps a lot with my stress and with my anxiety and, and depression, me and Diana, we stay busy. I mean, we don't have a weekend where we just lay around the house, you know, we've got our calendar is jampacked. Like our friends, they always joke. They're like, we're gonna have to put it on your calendar three months from now to have dinner. I'm like you might, but we stay busy, you know? And it's, and she likes that. Cuz that wasn't her past. She wants to do stuff. I wanna do stuff. It's good for me. So it works out awesome. I am on a SSRI. Oh, okay. You know, I, I take, it's called busbar I take a daily medication. Yeah. For stress and anxiety and you know, it, it for anxiety and depression, I keep saying stress. They, they go hand in hand though, right? Yeah. Yeah. I just started Wellbutrin and which is not an SSRI, but more the, the dopamine area, my doctor thought because of with the alcoholism and other things I shared probably, you know, the pornography and the way I was sexually and you know, it's like, I could thank goodness for the lady I'm with now that she's been so patient with me cuz yeah. I was like, oh my gosh, wait, I, I, I never realized I had to be intoxicated to some level to share physical intimacy. Right. And usually I wasn't making good decisions anyways. Right, Right. But now that I'm in a place where it's good, it's safe. It's about the love that we share for each other. You know, it's like, oh, oh it took me some yeah. Some And it's amazing. Yeah. And you're like, what was I doing all these years? Like you're so you're like I had it so backwards. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. And so no, he started me with the, the Wellbutrin cuz he is like, okay, I don't want, yeah. I'm, I'm a little more worried about an S Sri for you. And it seems to be working well. Right. My energy's coming up, still have anxiety, but the depression isn't hitting me as much. Right. Right. And it's, and it's it. It's, that's the thing. I mean you got two people right here telling you how much it's helped. It has completely changed my life. Sure. I mean, it makes my life so much more manageable. Yeah. And I think it's good that we share that to, to, especially for men that there's like some stigma that we gotta know sometimes like the doctor's like, look, we've talked, but this is the, the third time you've come in. Right. Told me the same thing. We need to go ahead and let go over our balls. And my doctor's very straight up, let go over our balls and this one and just realize, Hey, and, and he goes, if it's working good, here's the thing with it. Not being an SSRI. I prescribe this to people that have seasonal depression. Right. So, you know, you can always taper off or something if you want To. And it's not a sign of weakness, right? Yeah. I mean our brains aren't, aren't wired perfectly. You know, if you, I mean, if you get, if you go get, you know, a nasty sinus infection, you go get antibiotics, right. Yeah. Because it's miserable and you can't hardly live without 'em. Yeah. Well what's the difference if your brain's not functioning properly, you know, you, you gotta, it's, there's such a negative stigma, you know, I don't wanna go on medication and I fought it for a while. Sure. It's the worst thing I ever did. I mean, it's, my life's completely changed since then, you know? Yeah. And if you not to get too far into it, but if you do get on a medication, something like whatever you take Asex well, Wellbutrin boost bar, they all work differently. You gotta give it some time. Yeah. You know, this is not a two week process. Like it's, it's a minimum a month before you even start feeling any sort of effects from it. You know? And, and if you are, if you are an a, if you are an addict, it, it, it's not addicting. You know? I mean, it's not something you can get high off of. You know, it doesn't work like that. So yeah. But do do just, don't be man. My advice to those people, just don't mental health needs to be brought up more. It needs to be talked about, you know, it's something that's been just hid behind closed doors. People are ashamed of it and it ruins your life. You know? I mean a lot of people end up taking their own life because of it. Yeah. And we saw it so bad. Not only I've, I've known so many people that fell off me included during the, you know, lockdown, that shit don't work for me. No. And we're not gonna even get into the, the fuckery of how stupid it was. But you know, I feel for like kids that are now being faced with it and that depression's hitting more. So I'm glad I hope that it seems. And maybe it's just the stuff that I follow. Cuz I only, I only view content that I want to view. I Don't I'm the same way. I don't hardly watch the news. You know, I Don't doesn't get my time. CNN, Fox. I don't care who you are. You don't get my time. You have an agenda. I know you do because I worked in media and I know how it works. Okay. Yeah. And most of it's not, not news. It's commentary. Right. So I a hundred percent agree with you, But we've got, yeah, we do have a real problem with a lot of the stuff that is just going on in the world. And, and I, I counted, I was talking the other day, somebody asked me at the, the found nonprofit. I work at parents and acts in need, like, do you know anybody that's passed away from addiction? I said, oh yeah, I know many of them and five in the last year and a half alone. Right. Because it was the unwillingness to say, I need help and take that help. According, like if, if I called you man, Ryan, I'm, I'm a little worried brother. Doctor said, I got a heart condition once put me on medication. It wouldn't be like, oh, what's wrong with you? Medica. You'd be like, motherfucker. Get on that medication. We got a lot more to do. Come On pussy, suck it up, walk it off. You'll be fine. Walk It off. It's not one of those Things. No, exactly. And that's man, that, that is the strongest man or woman, whatever. I mean, that's the, when you are in a position that you need help, that is the strongest thing you can do is say, I need help. Whatever the case may be. Yeah. You know, you, people are just, people are scared to ask for help. You know, it's a pride thing. Sure. I mean, you know, I, yeah, I could go on and on. So when you finally did you went to, to treatment two times. Oh, I've been to treat, I've been to, oh, I don't even know four or five rehabs in several sober living homes. Okay. Yeah. So what was then the final process that really stuck? Was it, was it treatment to sober living and No. No. None of that worked really. Now. I'm not saying don't go try it. Yeah. Because it can be very help. I, I wasn't ready. Yeah. I wasn't ready. I Think that's the key thing you weren't ready. It doesn't matter. Right. And I, oh man, I, most people don't know this. I'm I'm gonna, I'm here to share my story. I hope it helps reaches somebody. I'm not proud of this. Very few people know this. I have not talked about this publicly. I, I was down in orange county. I was on a two or three day meth bin. Well up for two or three days, probably two full days. You can't hardly go three it's on. Anyway, I was driving. I still have, I have no recollection of where I was going, why I was going there. I was probably going buy drugs. I would imagine. But I, I don't remember. I passed out behind the wheel on highway one. Right, right in Irvine. And I hit a lady and her husband head on doing about 75 80. They said. And if you saw my truck, I mean, I, I shouldn't have, I should not have survived it. They were okay. I, they did have, she ended up having to go to a chiropractor for a couple months. Her back was not, it wasn't like surgery, but she definitely had some issues from that. Some problems from it. And I, I don't know. I should not have walked away from that. I should not. I, I, I should not be here if you saw my, my little, I had a, I had a, the Ford ranger. Okay. A little single cab, Ford ranger. And this was an expedition I hit head on. I don't know if it's because I was just so passed out. I was so loose or what, but dude, I walked out of there with nothing, but a little bit of whiplash and my shin had an indentation kind of a cut from where I guess I dug into the brake pedal. That was it. And you, you, you think that would be my rock bottom, right? Sure. I still, I still, I still did about another month after that finally called my dad one day. I said, I, I, I need you to come pick me up. I I'm, I'm done with this. I said, I, I, I need help. I, I said, I need help. Right. My dad was there. Six hours later. Let's go. I had, at that time I packed everything. I owned in like two suitcases that that's what I owned and came home. And I went back to Fresno. Good buddy of mine, Paul Gillman. He's just, I can't even say enough about him. He's the guy that's always been there. You know, to get me clean, always, always wanna help. And he got me into, let's see, how did that go? He found a house or a room for me to rent. I was back in Fresno for about three days. And then I went and got meth and I went on about another two week bender give or take. And I remember him showing up in the morning. I was in bed, finally fell asleep in my underwear, on my bed. And he comes in. I'm like, I'm not dressed. He's like, I don't care. And he comes in and you know, and I'm telling, leave me alone. I'm gonna kick your ass. You know, I'm gonna kick your he's. Like, I don't care. Then we're gonna fight. You know? And he said, buddy, he said, you're at a point. He said, you've lost everybody. He said, there's nobody else besides me willing to help you. Yeah. And he said, let's get you some help. And I went into a sober living home and I've been clean ever since so that, you know, it, it took a lot. I, I wish it didn't, you know, and I, man, I mean, I, I still, to this day I feel so bad for, you know, what that lady had to go through. Just, you know, she probably has nightmares about it. And I mean, it's, that's something you gotta live with and yeah. And it's rough. It's hard to talk about it. Yeah. No, but it's important to know that even through all that I am where I am today and I want to give people that hope. Yeah. And it, and it's, and they have to accept the process too. We, we say rebuild, but it's really build a life and, and it's not just recovery, but a process of discovery and, and who you are and really taking a look and, and it's, it's tough. It's gonna, life is tough. I forget what the self-help book was. It's getting tougher every day, too. Yeah. In the seventies, it was the number one selling self-help book. And in the first sentence was, life is tough and it is it's, it's tough. We have these challenges, but we also don't get the beautiful gifts without that. It's we kind of need the yin and the yang of life, you know? Absolutely. There's No Luke Skywalker without Darth Vader, it just has to happen. The knocking doors down book shares all the history and inspiration behind the Carlos Vera foundation and how it all started all proceeds from the book benefit, the Carlos Vera foundation's race to be drug free campaign. So what's that all about through the race to be drug free campaign. Carlos Vera foundation raises awareness about drug abuse, donates to drug free programs and brings drug free speakers into schools to educate youth the race to be drug free. Campaign's main program is the gloves, not drugs boxing program. This program is completely free for kids between the ages of eight and 17 to learn discipline, strength, respect, comradery, and the art of boxing. The program was created to keep kids off the streets out of gangs and away from drugs for more info and to get involved, check out Carlos Vera foundation.org. If, if I hadn't have went through what I went through and appreciate what I do so much. I mean, if I had started to try to be a full-time fishing guide in my early twenties, right. I would've failed. I didn't have the patience. I didn't have the love for people. You know, you go through things and it changes you and it's, and it I'm, I'm still a firm believer. I mean, I, I, everything happens for a reason. Right. You know, I truly believe that from the bottom of my heart. And unfortunately I needed to go there to get to here. Yeah. You know, and, and it's, I heard an Instagram reel cuz you know how you get on Instagram, you start watching reels and all of a sudden it's like three hours later. So anyway, I heard this Instagram reel and I, I can't remember who it was. I think it was actually Steve Harvey. He's got some good stuff. I love Steve Harvey. And he said, he said, if God would've told you, you know, 10 years ago, here's what you gotta do to get to where you are right now. He said, you'd never do it. Yeah. And it's true. You know? And I mean, that's, I tell Diana, like, you know, I, I, I, I'm not proud of my past, but, but I appreciate it, you know? Right. Because I mean, it got me somehow I ended up backing out water and you know, at the shop doing a, a Facebook live video for, you know, the shop and my fishing and said some joke and she laughed and became friends and here we are today, you know, it's Just, I like that Laugh. Yeah. It's just, And your fiance is one of the most extraordinary, wonderful people I've ever met. Just she she's perfect for you. And that the, I, I bumped into her at the bank or something. She's doing a deposit for, for stage stop and oh my God. And it just, it makes you just feel like, And she gives you a hug and it's a genuine hug. It's not like a little side arm hug. She's like, get in here. I love you. You know, she's, she's amazing, man. I can't say enough about her. That that woman is, she she's, she's probably saved my life. She doesn't even realize it. Yeah. You know, she really has, when we, you know, when we first met, I was, you know, I was going through a lot of stuff and you know, it was, I didn't have relapse or anything, but it was, I'll tell you what I, I probably, I could've seen myself going down that hole. Sure. You know, cuz I just, you get in your head, you get depressed and it's, it's so hard to pull yourself out of that. Yeah. You know, and if she hadn't been there, I don't, I don't, I don't think I could've went through what I, I gone through what I, what I went through, you know? Yeah. So, Well, and I think that's the magical thing about a solid, good relationship is you're not, you're not looking at the other person to fulfill you cuz that's unrealistic. Why? No that's so like people, the, the, the term, well, you know, I, I'm looking for a soulmate. I say what a shitty thing to put on another human being when you can't even fulfill and make yourself happy. But there is something about when you can couple with someone that it's like, wow, my world is really good. You know, I got something to lean on something, you know? Well, they don't make you a better person. You do, you do that yourself. But they, they give you the motivation to do right. They make you wanna be better. Yeah. You know, and that's, I mean, that's a special, I think a lot of people don't ever find that. Yeah. I, I hope I pray for everybody out there that they do, you know, but it's, it's, it's, it's a pretty awesome thing. Well, and I think that's one of the powers of, you know, recovery is, you know, I like the 12 steps I, for me, it's, it's worked and I think it should almost be taught in school cuz I think it would is How you should live your life. Yeah. I think it would make everybody a better person if you really did, because it made me start to own my shit. And in doing so cleared up a lot of my, I, I always saw myself, not a very judgemental person's like, oh fuck. Especially in my early twentie I was kind of a judgemental prick, you know? Well, we, we probably still all struggle with that. Right. That's human nature. I mean, no, the, yeah. If, if anybody's out there struggling with just life in general. Yeah. What you just said. I can't agree more go, man. Whether you're a church person or not go find like a local celebrate recovery and just give it a shot. Yeah. Even if you don't buy the, the, the, the God part of it and that's, I respect the heck out of that. Just do the rest, do the work, go give it a shot. You know, just the 12 steps is it it's life changing and it's, it's, it's something, everybody just like, I'm just repeating what you said. I'm sorry, but you're good. No, I, I, I, I couldn't agree more. Yeah. Because everybody's got those, I, I, I hate to quote recovery, but those hurts habits and hangups, right? Yeah. Whether it be from some sort of addiction or not, everybody's, everybody's got a ton of baggage Sure. And vices or whatever the hell is. And sometimes it's, you know, taking a look at that and from an outside perspective and getting someone that you can trust and be vulnerable to that's been there, you know? Absolutely. I mean, I refer people, not just to AA groups, NA groups, but sex and love addiction. Gambler's anonymous now. Like, Hey, I heard you on this podcast. Can you connect me with somebody? I have a gambling problem. I have an overspending problem. I have an eating, you know, whatever, getting that help and being around people that, that, that care and understand it changes a lot. Absolutely. But you bring up another one of those very tough things. It was a little tough for me, but the, the God aspect. Right. And I think a lot of people get hung up that what I loved about it too. And, and my sponsor was great is like, you know, his saying was, it's God, you do business with right. And now it's I say, the God I do business for, and for me, it was just accepting that there was something greater than me that actually loves me. And I went, oh fuck. I have so much trouble accepting love. Well, yeah. And once I got it improved, the not only my, my relationship with my partner, but my kids and everybody else, like I am worthy of love. I am worthy of my boundaries too. Like, oh, don't go there. You know? So it's, it's very empowering. I think when you find what that higher power is, we had a buddy sunny male guitar player, and a lot of different rock bands, not had PE seven dust was on the podcast. And for him, it was when his dog was sick. And he was like, oh, you know, so he spells God G O capital D. Right. You know, cuz he found that love right. In his dogs. And that's just who and what he is. And for you, did you grow up kind of in a household that was spiritual or religious or was it something you kind of came to terms with you? We, in your own, Our, our family wasn't very, we weren't real religious. You know, I was taught to say a, you know, the nighttime prayer, you know, now I lay me down, sleep, pray the Lord, you know, just, I didn't know what it meant. I just, it was just something you said, you know, it was like singing a happy birthday song, just memorized it. But when I was, when I was probably 12, 13, I started going to church, youth group with my grandma at water Baptist church. It was a bunch of 80 year olds. And there was like four kids and, and you know, and I loved it. I did the church, youth group stuff. We went up, you know, we did the, I can't even think of what it's called the weekend getaway. Sure. The retreats, the retreat up in old sack, you know, big, you know, real, real, emotional weekend. You know, they got all the songs playing the preachers preaching. It's awesome. And I, you know, I, I became a Christian at a young age. I got baptized in my early or I got baptized when I was like 24 at a church in Clovis, you know, one, one of my three month stents of being sober and you know, but so I grew up with it somewhat, but I never got it. I didn't get it until about really, to be honest with you about two years ago. Wow. So yeah. And that's completely changed my life cuz even, you know, even through all the, you know, the, the success I have had, you know, and I'm not, I've, you know, I've been able to put some stuff together and do well. I was just, I was still struggling, you know, I was almost white knuckling it, you know, like they say, yeah, I was just, life was just still hard. It was, it was, I was doing it and I was enjoying it, but it was harder than it should be. Sure. And about two years ago, every everything changed. My just my attitude changed. My outlook changed. I like you said, you get to a point where you've gotta learn to love yourself, you know, because if not, you just, I feel like everything I ever did, it was always self sabotage. You know? Like, cuz I'd never felt I deserved it. I told Diana, you know, I, I said I, and I mean, I've, I've clearly been able to do my job. Well, you know, I stay booked up. I I've got tons of repeat clients. I've got a bunch of kids holding up giant bass, you know, but in my head I'm like, I still felt like a fraud. Like I like, I don't deserve this. I I'm not good enough to do this. You know? And I finally, and again, it's, I mean, a lot of it's been with Diana's help, but you know, I'm we talked about the God thing. We talked about religion. We talked about what we wanna chase together. And dude, it's like, it's like, you just find a piece and you, you finally start to realize, and I'm still struggling. It's a daily thing. Some days are easier than others, but I'm finally starting to realize like, I, I, I do deserve this, you know? And I, I, I can quit hating myself and I'm not that person anymore. You know? And I, I, I do deserve to be happy and have a good life. And it, like I said, some days are easier than others, but until you get to that point, I mean, you're never gonna, I don't care what you have. I don't care much money you have who you have in your life. Whatever. If I don't care, if you have enough money to do opiates forever, you're never gonna be satisfied. Yeah. You've gotta find that inner peace somehow. However you get there, everybody's got a different way of getting there. Yeah. You know, I'm, I'm a Christian, you know, I, I, I, I, I pray and I daily and it, it, it helps me and I believe in it, you know, if you don't, you gotta find something. Thanks for sharing that. Cuz that's one of the things, and I've talked to a couple people recently about it, this guy, Mike diamond, amazing Adam, Jablin another amazing guy, but I've struggled with that imposter syndrome too, especially cuz I had that fall off. You know, what was that 18 months ago now? Right. You know, it's like, here I am, I'm this guy talk about mental health and recovery and what was I not doing? I wasn't protecting my sobriety and my mental health. Right. And, and, and it was kind of the thing of, oh, I still have boundary issues. Right. I'm still a people pleaser. I still have that defect. This is part of the process of I've gotta work on this thing because you know, the striving is always to be our most genuine, authentic self, you know, rigorous honesty in there. And it's like, no, I wasn't doing that. No, absolutely. And, and for me, the more I do that and like you said with, with Diana and I I'm so thankful with Cassandra to be able to be that honest, real vulnerable person, I don't have to play a role. She doesn't right. Want me to play a role? If I have a bad day, it's okay to say I have a bad day. Yeah. I don't take it out on her. Right. You, but it's Unconditional or anyone, but it, yeah, it's exactly. It's kind of that irony where people say unconditional love. Well, love by definition is unconditional. Otherwise it's not love. Right. And love is not a, I love is it's a choice. It's a decision. Yeah. You know it doesn't it's I don't, I don't think it's a feeling. Yeah. You know, if that makes sense. I, I agree. I don't believe it's a feeling. It's an Action. It's an action. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's where people, a lot of times, and I know for me kind of digging more into the sex and love addiction when I've talked to people about it, I'm like, yeah, sure. ES the sex was into it, but I don't think I was addicted to that. As much as validation, I was addicted to the validation from, from someone else and then 100% And like, okay, I'm getting the valid, well then I'm fulfilled then I'm, you know, then life is good and it just doesn't work that way. Plus if you give someone else that arrogantly, that, that thing, it, it can be taken just like that from you. So why would you want to do that? You know, and it's, it's kind of like, you gotta, if you love yourself, like you do other people look in the mirror and literally tell yourself, I love you. This is the, the body that I've been given for the vessel that I believe is my soul to, to do whatever it is, you know? Right. That I fortunately get to do. No, Absolutely. If you don't start to love that and appreciate that. Well, I don't know what to tell you. You're in trouble. Yeah. You're in trouble. You're gonna be miserable. You know, I've spent a lot of years being miserable. Yeah. And I'm not gonna do it anymore. You know, I, I got I'm, I'm gonna live my life. We're gonna enjoy it. You know, I'm gonna try to tell myself every day I love myself. You know, like I said, some days are easier than others, But, But it's important. Yeah. You know, because otherwise you're just, you're constantly, you're constantly chasing what, whatever high it may be. Yeah. You know, you're like you said, the validation, I mean, just being a, we talked about it, but just being a people, pleaser, you know, we, we didn't, we're not, we're not over people. We're not, I can't find the verbiage. There's A difference between being a people person and a people Pleaser. Right. But when you're a people pleaser, you think you're doing it for everybody else, but you're not you're doing it for you. Oh yeah. You know, It's manipulation. Oh, Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. It's not for them. It's for you. Yeah. Not that you don't like them, but yeah, you're doing it for you. You know, you're doing it for your own ego. You're doing it for your own. I'm having trouble finding the words here. Bullshit, whatever, Whatever your own bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Just let's leave it Up. But it's no different, I think, than when you continue that kind of behavior, it's no different than the ramp up of, of drugs, alcohol, whatever it is or gambling, or I don't care what it is is to get that high. You have to keep going more and more and more and deeper. And you know what? The people pleasing, you've created a complete false connection with someone that it's gonna eventually come out. Absolutely. Just like it will with a drinking problem, a gambling problem, a sex problem. Yep. A drug problem, an eating problem, whatever it is. Eventually this shit all comes out in the wash. Yep. And there's the reality that you're faced with. Yeah. So you might as well work on loving yourself, right. To be authentic and come to people Genuine. You're doing yourself and everybody else a favor, you know, that you are in contact with and one thing to touch on and you said it, you were so focused on everybody else and doing all this stuff, you know, that you weren't taking care of yourself and you had what, what you call a slip. You hit a bait pin one time. No, that was, this was an alcohol one. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, So yeah, it was literally, I was the, I, it was a trip because I don't, I was sober. I don't remember driving to the convenience store, sober buying the beer. The next thing I kind of, I'm sitting there with the third bottle of beer open in my hand and I reach out to two guys, one who's my sponsor. Now the other one, this guy, Tony Hoffman, he's been on amazing guy goes and speaks all around the country. And yeah. It was like, Wait, so you stopped on the third beer right there. You know how hard that is to do. Yeah. Because by that time, anytime I've ever had a slip up or something like that, I'm going okay, well, we're not even gonna start to address this until tomorrow. Right. So I'm gonna enjoy this if I, so that's dude, I mean, kudos to you on that. Yeah. That's really, really hard to do. No, I saw, I was in that point of desperation. It immediately flashed to me that like, okay, I, I like everything that I'm wanting to build and getting my shit together is gonna go away really, really, really fast. Yep. Because I know me I'll be able to ramp up. I was the guy that, ah, I'll just buy a 12 pack tonight for that'll last me a couple days and then wake up the next morning and a 30 pack that I don't remember getting is now half empty. You know? So that that's for the people say, are you sure you can't just have one? Yeah, No, the answer fucking no, but one, One is what is it? One is too many and a thousand's never enough. Right. That that's the cliche, but it's true. Yeah. And how, how much more drunk can I get? What to death literally, that's it, there's no more drunk I could get. Right. There's no more, you know, with the, with the sex and love, there's no more false love that I could get from another person or multiple. And when you're a hardcore alcoholic, the only, like the only time it's really enjoyable is about the first 15 minutes of that buzz. Creeping in. Yep. After that, like, I mean, when have you ever been hammered, drunk going, I'm having a great time, right? This is amazing. This feeling like the Room is spinning. I love it. Yeah. All those stupid things that I do happen to remember saying yeah. That I wouldn't have said otherwise, You know? Yeah. Like how many apologies you give the next morning for how many? Yeah. I mean, do it, don't do it. Yeah. But good. Good for you, dude. Three beers in and you said, and you, Hey, you can always call me any. I mean, I appreciate that. I, I, I get, I get it. You know, I like you. I, I, I know how important that is. So hopefully it'll ever happen again. Yeah. But, well, I had A, the Ringer's always on, I had, what I think is one of those restored diss sanity moments. I was ring announcing an MMA event for me when people offer drinks. I do tell 'em no, I don't drink. But for people that I don't know, you know, I'll just get like a tonic water with a lime. Right. And so I asked for that, well, they brought me a vodka tonic. Oh. And I took a big swig and yes, I did swallow, but I told the people around me, you know, this one young lady, who's like a ring announcer. She's like, oh yeah, alcohol's gross. I go, no, I'm in recovery for alcoholism. She was pissed like this. Well, I'm going to, I'm like, no, it's okay. But that thing ended up right in the trash right away. And I think that's that restored diss sanity moment that, that gets talked about where it's like, I played it out real quick. Right. Cause I was like, my mind immediately went, well, I could probably have this. The people that do know me, I think they're drinking. They might have a little bit of buzzed anyway. So they may not notice. And I could probably let it fade away before I drive home. So my kids, my girlfriend, they wouldn't notice either. Right. And then it's like a, you wouldn't just have that one B you would, if you, by chance, did you would immediately feel like shit. Right. And then it played to the right. You'll do it again. And it's Gonna round that's and that's so smart. That's one thing that my, I don't wanna call him. He's a good buddy. My mentor. Sure. Paul has always told me. He said, when you start having any of that temptation, he said, play it out in your head where it's gonna take you. He said, be honest with yourself. He said, that'll tell you everything you need to know. Yeah. And that's exactly what you did. Yeah. And that's yeah. You Have some of those moments You should like, oh, absolutely. Oh, it never goes away. Oh, it never goes away. If I go, I mean, to this day, if I go into somebody's house for one, if I see a movie and it, it's not like I want to go do it, but if I see a movie and somebody's like smoking meth on the movie, I'll I'll turn my head. Or I'll, it just, it's a weird feeling. I can't explain it. Doesn't make me want to go down on street and go buy it. But it's a feeling I don't like. It's very uncomfortable. Yeah. To this day. I mean, if I, I know this sounds weird, but I'm just being honest here. But if I go into somebody's house and there's a prescription pill bottle sitting on the counter or I, I, I won't even look at it. Sure. Because you know, I've spent, you know, I mean, years back in the day, you know, you go into somebody's, you know, I would, I've opened medicine cabinets, you know? I mean, I'll be, I was a complete piece of trash, you know, and, and just, I can't say I've had any moments where like, I've been really tempted to go use, but I'm very, very careful about knowing what my triggers are and being aware of them and, and not even letting that creep in. Yeah. You know, same thing with going to the doctor. I mean, it wasn't, this has been fi it's probably been four or five years ago, but me and my cousin went, we went riding quads up in the mountains, in the snow, had a blast. Right. And I'm not good at it. So I took a big tumble thought. I broke my wrist. It was all swollen. I mean, I figured for sure it was broken, this thing was like, this, it wasn't somehow. But anyway, we get in there. First thing I, you know, I'm like, no narcotics, no matter what, you know, because I just, you have to set up those boundaries. You know? Luckily I haven't been in a position where I was at an MMA fight and somebody who's like, here's an Oxycontin, you know, like here's an Oxycontin. It's, you know, I ask for a breath, man. They gimme an oxycont like, I haven't been in that position, you know? But you, you just, man, you gotta be so, so self-aware, you gotta know what what's, what's gonna make you tick and what's gonna, you know, make you take that first step and you've gotta completely turn the opposite direction. Yeah. I think that's part of the mastery itself. And at the end of the day, that's the most Life in general. Yeah. Life in general, man. You're gonna say I should. And I cut you off. Oh, I'm already 10 Different thoughts in my brain now what? Oh no, you should. So I mean like you're good at like, you should almost become some sort of counselor or something like you're good at This. Well, thank you. I I've thought about it. I've thought about it. I've had a lot more people reaching out. I think I actually have my first Spee and kind of working with him remotely and you know, as simple as this morning as like, okay. Accountability thing, right. Sent me a message with his bed made. There you go. All right. That's where we're starting. He's like making my bed. I'm like, yeah. And then I want you brushing your teeth and you're gonna text me at what time you brush your teeth in the morning at night. Right? And then if you're in a place where you're at work, then you're gonna brush them three times a day. Right. He's like, why? I'm like, cause we're gonna master taking care of ourselves. Dude. It's the little things. It's the little steps. Yeah. It's the, you just said it, you get up in the morning, you make your bed. It's it's things you don't want to do that, you know, you need to do, those are so important. I mean, you've, you've heard the speech, you see the video on, on it floats around Instagram and Facebook, but it, it it's like a, a Naval academy captain given a speech. And he said, if you wanna change the world, he said, get up in the morning, make your bed every day. Yeah. First thing you do, just like anything you wanna do recovery Lifewise. You, you it's it's consistency. It's what about Bob baby steps? Right. Right. I know. You know what? I'm steps, Baby. Step into the Elevator. You baby step. If you can, man, when you're new in recovery, sometimes you cannot even, you can't imagine how you're gonna get through till tomorrow, right? You, they, you know, they say one day at a time, sometimes one day at a time's overwhelming. Even for me now, sometimes one day at a time overwhelming with just life in general, can you see your next 10? Get through the next 10 minutes, get through, then go get through the next 10 minutes, get through the next hour, get through the next hour, get through the next hour. Whatever it may be, man. Especially early in recovery. Everything's overwhelming. Yeah. You know, everything's overwhelming your brain screwed up. You're not thinking right. You know, you're, you're trying to figure out how I'm gonna get this back. How am I get this back? How am I gonna fix my credit? How am I gonna get a job? How am I gonna get a place? How am I gonna move out of this sober living home room that, you know, that's got five guys in it, you know, and this guy snores really bad. You know, that guy farts in the sleep, like How, you know what, focus on that when the time comes, get through the next day. Yeah. And just, don't be scared to ask for help, man. Yeah. Well, and I think that's an important thing with our emotions is that our emotions are not reality. They're fleeting. And it's important that we don't make our emotions are reality. Right. You know, cuz it's, it's a, it's a processing issue. It's a way that we start interpreting reality, processing reality, thus reacting to it. And we have to, and yeah, I agree with you. It's it's why we do some people it's one minute, one second, whatever it is, breathe through it, play it out. There's you know, it's why we have a lot of these sayings and stuff like that, that the, you know, It works. It's tried true and proven. Yeah. They might be silly or sounds silly at first, but they work. There's a reason. And Most of the time, if you just, if you got somebody you trust, you can talk to, you know, luckily, I mean, I, I have that with Diana now. Yeah. But if you've, if you don't have a, you know, a significant other, you need that sponsor, you need that accountability part. You need somebody, that's not gonna judge you that you can talk about things with. Because most of the time when you actually just play it out and talk it out with them, it becomes not as overwhelming. Yeah. It's your own brain just on overdrive. You know, wheels are spinning. Once you put it out, even write it out on paper, whatever it may be. It's amazing. It just, it's so much easier to process. Yeah. I feel like. Or at least that's the way my brain Works well and I have to do that. Like for instance, okay, I gotta file some documents. Well, I gotta collect all these saying, collect all this and I'm talking to my brother and he is like, no, you don't have to do any of that. He goes, you need to do that. Right. But take a look at it too, is you just simply need to have that done. It's just a, just the goal. Get it done. Don't worry about all the steps that it takes. You'll overwhelm yourself with the steps. You're gonna do the steps because you've simply written down. I have to do this. I like that. There you go. Just go towards that. Just Go. That's money right there. Well, Hey, random questions. I don't think we are doing 'em last time. I love random questions. All right. Usually the one asking them Pet peeves. What? Irks the shit outta Ryan. People chewing with their mouth open. Oh, I can't stand open mouth. Chewers if you are one, we still love you. But yeah, that's one of them. Other what's bass. Not biting. I don't like bass that don't bite makes for a long day on the water. I don't like the powers above pulling water outta the lakes quicker than they need to. I'm not happy with that one. I could keep, I mean, I can go on all day. I'll see what else going. Well, we could, we could do a whole episode on that. I don't like people that let their dogs bark in the backyard obnoxiously and don't correct them or take them inside. I'm just thinking here. I don't like traffic. Oh, I don't like traffic. Luckily my commute and I drive a lot. Right. I mean, I spend lately, I mean, I've been averaging three hours commute, time a day, you know, on top of the seven on the water and it's long days. But luckily my drives are in the country, right? Yeah. I mean, I got a lot of potholes to deal with, but I don't have assholes to deal with, which Is nice. Yeah. And let's see what else, what else? Let me think of one more. One more pet peeve. I don't like cold fronts. I don't like when it's warm one day and cold the next cuz it makes the fishing tough. Really? What do they tend to stay more at the bottom then? Yeah. They just don't get real active. Your bite windows get shorter. So instead of, you know, like on a typical day, you're gonna have call it three, three good bite windows where you're gonna have a good hour and a half, two hours. You can catch 'em throughout the day. Three times a day. Yeah. Well now that goes those three times a day, day go down to 20 minutes. Gotcha. It just makes it a lot tougher Boy. We were out there on a good day. Like I said at the start, my kid 13 fishes and I got zero Man. And they'd never done that. No. You know? So they, I mean, that was impressive. Yeah. That was impressive. They learned quick. That Was a blast. Jason, not his kids. Aren't quite His kids. Aren't quit. I first went fishing at eight. Still suck. Okay. They're gonna make a movie about your life. Who do you want to play? You I'd like to say Matthew McConaughey, but no, by that one. Oh man. I don't movie my life. Why not? I ride. I'm not right. All be like cooler. If you Did. It's catching me another bass today. Let me think. Oh, Maybe it depends on what kind of movie, You know? Maybe like a, I could see maybe Seth Rogan Go be another. Yeah. Right. Could, but I could see him doing that, you know for yeah. Yeah. I could see Seth Rogan movie. I could see. Yeah. All right. Seth would nail it. If anybody wants to make it, I'll play it myself. Just let know Jason. You Can make that happen. We could make it happen. We can make it happen there. You're on a, a deserted island. You got one movie, one music album. We'll just go one music artist. One movie. Yeah. It's gotta be dumb and dumber. Cause I can watch it over and over and over. And I love it every time. One music, one music artist. Oh, honestly anymore. And just because Diana and I was so it's gonna be mercy me. Okay. The lead singer for mercy. Me, his name is I'm gonna take the whole band. Okay. Diana had never been to a concert. 46 years old. She had never been to a concert. I know. I tried to give her tickets to concert. She would never go. Yeah, She didn't. She had somebody that didn't wanna do anything. So I took her to see mercy me at the Savemart center and it was, I, I mean, I could just go on and on, but it was, that is officially my favorite band. Magical Moment. Oh dude. Awesome. Awesome night. I love it. And we will be doing more concerts. Nice. Alright. Last one. You could have dinner with any one person living or not. Who is it and why? Oh man. Any one person living or not? Oh, I'd have to say grandparents. Yeah. Cause so that'd be three of them cuz I mean, how would you not want another night with them? Yeah, but if we're talking like celebrities or you know, just any I man Or historical figure, I would love to have dinner with will Ferrell. Really? I'm a huge fan of his, you know? And I've heard he is pretty cool. Like in person, he is not all a, you know, for Vince Vaughn can be kind of standoffish, but kind Just like himself to Vince bond the whole time. Right. We're out there on the water. We're catching all these fishes, baby. Let me tell you, we, we pulled in 13 today. It was awesome. You know, I've had the little, the little, the little hook thing, you know, will throw. Yeah. I've heard he is pretty intelligent. Me. The trenches, John. Glad taking grenades, Taking grenades. I got one for you. Yeah. Okay. Just popped. Money's not an issue. Sure. You can drive any car you want or truck. What's it gonna be Any car I Want because nobody ever asked you this. Probably. No, I never asked random questions. Any car shit. That's tough. Cuz younger me when I was a kid, would've been a Lamborghini Konta but those are total pieces of shit. Right? I'm probably gonna go Mercedes AMG the God, what is it? The SLS. I always forget the designation. Classy. The black classy addition. It's the total badass two door, two Cedar, you know like 600 something. Horsepower. There you go. Car. There you go. That you know, what'd be odd. No, I'm gonna switch it up. The Mercedes I think it's the, the one they built it in conjunction with the Mercedes AMG patronist formula one team. So it's got a lot of formula, one technology and it, and I think they only built like six or seven of 'em. They're like 2 million. There you go. I would go that, there You go. If I ever hit the lot, I got you. You, I mean, I don't play it, but if I ever hit It, if I ever hit it ever hit, I got go. What about you? Oh, oh man. Upgrade the pickup truck. You know what? I'm not, I would never want a fancy car. If, if we, if, if we came into a bunch of money where we never had to worry about it again for the rest of our lives tomorrow, I would just probably go, I would go buy a I'd buy a new Ford, F three 50 diesel. Yeah. So I could put a cab over camper on that thing and her, her and I tow the boat around and go fish across the country. Right on. I, I wouldn't want anything. I, I just, I, I would, I don't like fancy cars, you know? Yeah. I, I, I would personally rather like take that money and donate it to help clean up our shithole of a city or You money. Wasn't an option. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's true. That, yeah, that's True. But you know what? The, I skirted It. The funny thing about that is I would still want like the house size that I have. Right. I think you've been to the, I can't remember. It's, you know, four bedroom. It's it's decent size. I probably reconfigure it a little bit to make some of the bedrooms bigger. Yeah. But with some ranch property or something that I could build a goat cart track or two and, and do my archery out there or, you know, We are gonna, we're gonna be getting Bo soon, the two of us. So we'll have to go shoot Together. Okay. Well I gotta recurve, so I don't have a compound, but I still got this shoulder issue. I need to get work on that cuz I want to compound. But yeah, no, I love doing the archery. Just something where I could have some land and peace. Yeah. And you know, stuff like that. But I would much rather give because, so I'd have like this modest house and then you go to the garage and yeah, dude in this like a 2 million car. Yeah. And it's really fun. I love that. Well, since last time you were on, you're doing a podcast too. Why don't you tell people where they can get the podcast more about your, the, the guide fishing guide work that you do, how they can find you and all it. So we do a weekly podcast, which you try to do it every week. Some sometimes we'll do two a week. It's called the bass report on Instagram. You just search the bass report on Spotify. We were on Spotify and apple podcast. Also just the bass report. Really simple, pretty fun podcast. We talk to, we, we talk to fishermen, mostly bass fishermen. We talk to everybody, my buddy Joel, and I do it. Joel actually started it. And then I came on his as his co-host. So we do it together. Now he does all the behind the scenes stuff that all the stuff you do, because I don't know how to I'm. I'm absolutely stupid when it comes to technology. No, you're Good with barely Work finder. I could barely work my smartphone, man. You're Good with the fish finder though. I try. Sometimes it lies to me though. I'm telling you so really cool podcast. It's fun. It's you know, we're joking, we're talking trash, you know, very informative. It's free. We do have a Patreon set up, but you don't have to do that. People choose to support us. Cause we do a lot of giveaways. That kind of stuff for 'em. Yeah. It's not a money making thing for us. Super fun. Super awesome podcast. I think it's an awesome podcast. I might be biased, but check it out. The vast report. If you wanna follow me, if you're interested on a fishing trip, it is Facebook. Just search Ryan Cook. I also have a business page. Ryan Cook fishing. I don't do as much on the business page because Facebook has it set up where they want you to pay him for it. And I'm not going to, unless I have to. So personal page is just Ryan Cook. Give me a follow, send me friend request. My Instagram is Ryan Cook fishing and it's it's yeah. I mean, you'll see it. It's a picture of Diana and I holding up for beautiful small mouth from lake Champlain. So nice. Yeah. And I mean just, I, I it's out there anyway. If you are interested in a trip and you just wanna hit me up direct area code 5, 5, 9, 6, 9 1 7 0 0 8 and text is best. But if you need to call for some reason, that's fine too. Yeah. You know, we being friends outside of this, but we see a lot of the struggle that's going on in our community. And we know around the world, if there's just kind of anything you can lend to people, what, what might you throw out there? Oh man. Well, I'm talking more for the, if you're out there list, if you're, if you're in a bad addiction and wanting help right now, you you're probably, let's be honest. They're probably not listening to this podcast right now. Most likely, but to everybody out there I've said this before. I think I said it on the last one, but I, this is just so important. Especially to the parents out there. The, the loved ones of somebody that is struggling, don't give up on 'em you know, don't give up on 'em. Don't lose hope. It's never too late. It is never, ever too late to turn your life around. I mean, mean don't, don't go throw money at 'em right. Don't keep enabling them. But if they truly want help, get them some help, whatever it may be set your boundaries, be careful, but don't, don't give up on 'em. I've got a friend who her sister has been. They don't even know where she's at. They they're assuming she's alive, but she's been out there for, oh God, probably 15 years now. I mean, you know, be locally. Yeah. And you know, and I'll talk to her once in a while and she, you know, they still haven't given up hope, you know? Yeah. They they're raising her daughter and, and they have no idea where she's at, but it's, you know, but it, it could happen. You just can't give up hope. So that's number one, number two. And I've kind of touched on it, but I it's just so important. But once you do get into consistency, is everything consistency. I mean, get up, go to work in the morning when you don't want to go to work. Right. Put in the time, put, just put in the time, keep, keep grinding. Yeah. You know, I, I can't, I can't stress because you're never gonna get to where you want to be when you're doing this, you know, it's you just gotta keep climbing, keep climbing. You have a bad day. You have a bad day. Yeah. Don't dwell on that. Yeah. Let the external factors maybe pull you down a little bit. Not Yourself. Yeah. And the other thing is, if you are in recovery and you get six months clean and you're clean and you have a little slip up, don't, don't let that ruin it. Right. I mean, you've seen it. Yeah. It gets in your head, but you can't let that ruin it. Everybody gets hung up on going to these meetings. And even at your celebrate recovery is that kind of stuff. And they're getting their chips. Right. My one year, my two year I've got, I got seven years clean, you know, and you have a slip up and now you're back to one day and they're like, that's in their head for whatever reason. That's like, it's a huge problem to have, you know what? Maybe that's just a reminder that you need to try a little bit harder that it's just your higher power. Whoever that may be kind of tapped in on a shoulder going, Hey, let's refocus. Let's readjust here. But the main thing is, and I had an old timer telling me this, sitting at an AA meeting and Atwater one night when I used to go to him, he said, I'll tell you, who's got the most clean time at this table. He said, whoever woke up first this morning. And that, that stuck with me all these years, you know? Yeah. So what time did you wake up This morning? Yeah. Well, I had the day off. Well, I've got a day off. I, I blocked off a day for this, which has actually worked out fine because I it's hot this week and I've been working too much. I got up about eight. Oh. I, I used to not be able to sleep in, but once I started fishing full time, I get a day off. Ja. I can sleep till like 11. It's ridiculous. No, it's that's okay. We both have about the same amount of time then. Yeah, There you go. See, Thank you my brother. Thank you, man. I enjoyed the heck out of it. 51 50 is a lifestyle we believe in pushing yourself, finding your passion, knowing your dreams and working hard and always striving to make those dreams. Your reality. We believe life is too short to sit back and say, what if go after it, grab it and make it happen. Being 51 50 is committing to that long, hard road that road, you know, is going to be tough, but the most rewarding that's living the madness. That's 51 50. If you're living the 51 50 lifestyle, then celebrate by rocking the goods. So listen up. There's a special deal for listeners of knocking doors down, go to 5, 1 50 ltm.com and enter KD 20 and receive 20% off your purchase. That's five one F I Ft Y ltm.com. This podcast contains the views and opinions of the knocking doors down hosts and their guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is sharing their unique perspective, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions, views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work while we make every effort to ensure that the information we are sharing is accurate. We welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. For those wishing anonymity people, places and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality at the request of certain guests. 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Monday Sep 05, 2022
Monday Sep 05, 2022
Why did I want to talk with Micah Diele on Knockin' Doorz Down? Micah is the host of the Central Valley Podcast that takes a deeper look into his interest, passions, friends, and of course, the whatnot of it all. Throughout his podcast, he takes a look at a variety of artists within the local community, as well as people who are passionate about what they do. All in hopes of showing others that if you contribute positively to your community it comes back to you 10-fold. Micah and I also dig into his experience with being prescribed Adderall, the effects it had on his life, and why he chose to stop taking it for his mental health. We also discuss positive aspects of our lives and how perspective and gratitude are important key roles. As well we talk about taking risks in life and pursuing passions and joy. This includes his career change from teaching to photography and videography. Micah has become highly sought after for his work which ranges from weddings, commercial work, brand work, music videos, real estate, and portraits. Also a filmmaker, his main focus is storytelling and creating content for individuals looking to take their brand or product to the next level. Now married to the love of his life and pushing through the hard times Micah has found a greater sense of purpose. This is Micah Diele in his own words on Knockin' Doors Down. For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ For more on Magic Mind and to get 20% off a one-time order and get 40% off your subscription for the next 10 days use my code KDD20 at https://www.magicmind.co/kdd For more on Micah Deale and the Central Valley Podcast https://www.micahdiele.com/ Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #mentalhealth © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved.
Sunday Aug 28, 2022
Sunday Aug 28, 2022
Why did I want to talk with McCarthy on Knockin' Doorz Down? Tim McCarthy the host of 20TIMunutes is someone you would meet, and see as a guy who is happy, and funny and would do anything to make you laugh. Even if it was self-deprecating. Tim and I have a discussion about our mental health struggles, including anxiety, depression, and his bipolar issues and how confronts it. We also openly discuss the medications that we've used to combat our mental health struggles. Deep down Tim has fought an internal battle that he didn’t figure out until it was almost too late. Tim finally learned something was off mentally & wanted the pain to go away, forever. On May 5th, 2019, Tim attempted to take his own life, but fortunately enough, he did not succeed in his plan. After that, he knew it was time to get professional help. After a long battle going through doctors, multiple therapists, & dealing with the mental healthcare system, Tim finally got some answers. Tim was officially diagnosed with general anxiety, ADHD, and Bipolar II / Manic Depression. Feeling ashamed at first, and with the help of friends & family, Tim came to terms with his disorder. Since then he wanted to help as many people as he could that also suffered alone with mental health issues. Hence the creation of 20TIMinutes, a podcast that focuses on mental health through the help of humor, insight & personal stories Now facing his challenges head-on and an advocate to openly discuss issues of mental health Tim has become an inspiration to others. This is Tim McCarthy in his own words on Knockin' Doors Down. For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ For more on Tim McCarthy and the 20TIMinuntes Podcast https://20timinutes.com/ Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #mentalhealth © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved.
Monday Aug 22, 2022
Monday Aug 22, 2022
Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. #onedayatatime #wedorecover ##inspiration Why did I want to talk with Matthew Ganem on Knockin' Doorz Down? Matt has been in recovery for 14 years and has worked in the field of substance abuse treatment since 2014. He has reached thousands of lives through his efforts to battle drug and alcohol addiction. At Aftermath Addiction Treatment Center, Matt takes an active role in the day-to-day activities with the clients, he is usually the first person a client will see as they enter the door. Matt makes sure to let each client know that they are not alone as they begin their journey on the path to recovery and tries to inspire them to achieve a better way of life in recovery. Matt is an award-winning poet and public speaker, the author of The Shadow Of An Addict, and was recognized as the Recovery Advocate of the year in 2015 by the Massachusetts Organization of Addiction and Recovery. He is well known for speaking on addiction and prevention at schools and local community events. Matt is committed to building Aftermath into a leading treatment provider where people feel welcomed and supported on their journey to recovery. Matt Ganem is a true inspiration, from being a troubled youth, experimenting with alcohol and drugs at a young age. Matt was on the verge of death, in constant trouble with the law, and losing friends to drug use. This led Matt to a life of recovery, finding his voice through poetry and music as well as becoming a dedicated father of two. Matt is now the owner of the Aftermath Treatment Center helping others achieve sobriety while being an addiction recovery leader in his community and resource to all. For more on Matt Ganem and Aftermath Treatment Center https://www.facebook.com/MattGanemPoet http://www.iamnotanonymous.org/matthew https://www.instagram.com/mattganem_poet https://aftermathtreatmentcenter.com/ For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved. Transcript What is recovery, it's stepping outside of your comfort zone, you know, and like public speaking, hopping in the ring and being an announcer, doing poetry. Like these are all like unorthodox things that when you tell somebody their own fears, they're projecting on you and for how long did we sit in? Like that cage thinking that we weren't good enough, that we weren't capable of anything. We didn't deserve any better of a life. You know, like I was on a suicide mission every day. Like I didn't wanna live cuz I didn't think I was worth it at, at one point. I didn't think anybody loved me because of the wreckage that I caused. And I don't like facing my wreckage. I don't like at that time when I was using and I I'd hurt my family at hurt a friend, I don't ever wanna face them. I wanna run, fight a flight. Let me take off cuz I don't wanna deal with the repercussions of what I caused Knocking doors down your host. Jason, here with you. My guest on this episode, Matt G do me a favor. Please hit subscribe on whatever platform that you're enjoying on Spotify, apple podcast. And please share these episodes with someone that you think might just need to hear some of the knowledge that the guests share here on the podcast, in the conversations that we have do me a favor, help knocking doors down, grow, share with someone else that you think can get value out of these podcasts. Why did I wanna talk to Matt? Well, he's returning for a second time, but I wanna talk to someone that works in the addiction recovery field and some of the things they're seeing post COVID that are some really big concerns for the recovery community. Plus, I want to touch on the transformations that Matt's been making with his life since it's been a couple years and pick Matt's brain about getting to that next level in my own recovery. And so many other things that are insightful that might help you turn your life around. And that's what knocking doors down is all about. Before we get to Matt G I've gotta thank 51 50 51 50 is about having the power to overcome, to persevere the power, to set your life on a course to success. And right now you can get 20% off when you go to 51 50 ltm.com. Use the code K D D 20 that's K D D 20 20% off. Check out all the swag, hatch shirts, sweatshirts, all the gear that you want and get 20% off cuz we couldn't do knocking doors down without 51 50. Here's my guest, Matt Gandham after math treatment coming back on the pod, how's it going? My brother, It's going pretty good, man. It's a beautiful, beautiful day. Of Course, Matt, this second time here on the pod, if you want to hear Matt's story, go back through the archives. I mean just you're one of those people. The reason I want to talk to you again, cuz death was, was imminent. But, but now where I'm like really actively working my sobriety because it's doing a pretty guy, good job. The first time we met, but I got that arrogant streak in me. Like I'm okay. And, and I ended up falling off. So it's almost 17 months ago. I really wanna dig in with you on, on signs of substance abuse, cuz you were young when you were hitting it, you know, maybe it helped the listener see for a significant other that, Hey, these are some warnings, man. These are the things that pop up. Yeah. So one of the, I, I mean for me, a lot of it started with like behaviors in class, class, clown trying to get attention, you know, the insecurities and stuff that, that I had inside the fear of acceptance, the fear that people don't like me, that I would do over the top things to try to gain, you know, whether it was laugh, smiling on, you know, just something I was trying to, to gain from a young age, getting in trouble, you know, fighting there. There were just a lot of like, you know, certain behaviors even before I picked up a drug that, that you know, that you can spot for like a kid it's a little harder for like relationships because I was like so fucked up most of my youth that like, you know, I think when I was getting high, I mean, I don't know I was getting girls that, that didn't get high to drive me to do stickups and I, I don't know I was in, I was in some, in some shit when I was using. Yeah. But, but the obsession and the compulsiveness of, of a child, which like as a parent now, like I see in my kids, I see an electronics, you know, like you take your phone or, or a tablet away from a child and they have like a meltdown. It's like taking a bag of dope away from me. Like I'm gonna flip out, you know, but that's what it was like for like, I would do things to, to the max, you know? Sure. When I was playing sports, it was like, I was the last kid to leave the court after playing all night baseball, you know, I throw, I throw a ball into my arm was throbbing because I wanted to get better. And I wanted to be the best in like that competition, you know, just to be better than the next person to be the player on whatever team I was on. And I would do everything like over the top. And then I gravitated towards like the trouble makers, you know, and then to be accepted by trouble makers, you have to cause trouble. You know? So I, I was getting suspended in school in fifth grade. I was getting, you know, I don't know. I, I did a bunch of nonsense when I was real young. Like I was like a terrorist child. Like I feel awful cuz like it, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't how my parents really raised me. I mean, they both worked. My father left my mother when I was young, but they were both like working class. So like I kind of, you know, would cause trouble on my walk to, and from school stealing from the corner store, you know, for like validation from, from the people around me that like, oh Matt's crazy, Matt will do crazy things or Right. You know, there was a time I was hanging out with all the kids and they wanted to smoke. They wanted cigarettes and they didn't have any. So I said, alright, watch, I'll go steal smokes from this corner store. And they had like a hot dog stand to the side. So I asked the guy for a hot dog. And when he went to go make it, I ran around the corner, took two cottons of cigarettes and was booting down the streets. I didn't even smoke at the time just to say that I did it to like be accepted or whatever. Like the, the, you know, just doing dumb things. It remind me of line from it's fallout boy. Yeah. I like fallout, boy I'll own it. I don't care. I don't care what you think as long as it's about me. Yeah, exactly. And it really is. It's like we it's the truth. Yeah. We just wanna fucking build a rep of some kind. Okay. As long as it's this, this attention I'm getting attention and it it's so screw, it's funny you talk about relationships. Like I was a king of codependency, you know? Yeah. Any guy that maybe had some abandonment issues and wanted to nurture, So to mommy trying to fix me. Yeah. I'm gonna latch onto any broken, you know, broken pot of you and, and you're gonna need me through all that. Yeah. It's Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's that, that, that for that attention was what I did, you know, my, I went through full high school, so I was constantly getting kicked out. So I wore that like a badge of honor. Right. I sold drugs like, oh, I'm big, bad drug dealer. Like, no, I was getting high the whole time. And you know, being a little, you know, Guinea pig for whoever the kids in the neighborhood where we're like, Hey, go run these in school and bring us back the money. And I used to think I was like some big, bad guy stick up kid. I got stabbed. I used to wear that like a badge on like somebody almost killed me. Yeah. Like the rep and the longer in sobriety I get, the more I look back at like how delusional and you know, just like my way of thinking was so fucked back. Yeah. Back when I was using, when, you know, the streets, like whatever, I was like wrapped up in that I was just like a lost child. Like wish somebody grabbed me at that time and just shook me. Like, you don't need to try to impress other people. And the older I get, the less, I care about the opinion of others. Yep. And especially like putting your story out there and like, you know, like the poetry and, and some of the things that I've done in my recovery in my life, you gotta let go of, of people's opinions. I remember when I first started telling people, I'm gonna try to like chase poetry as a dream. And I come from a neighborhood where you don't, you know, Not that Shit. Yeah. They, you know, they're like, what, what are you talking about? I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go do an open mic and I'm gonna go recite poetry. And they would laugh at, you know, like, oh, what Matt's, you know, Matt's on something, But it's kind of that, don't you think that, and I still struggle with this. This is one of the great reasons I wanted to talk to you is I have these things inside. And I, I was telling my girlfriend this, like, it, it, it feels like it wants to escape. And, and it's just, you know, I said, what, when I was drinking, I didn't give a fuck. I would, I would do whatever it was now. Like I have a conscience and I don't wanna be overbearing to people or whatever it is, but we kind of gotta embrace it. We are a little bit nutty. Yeah. And that's a good thing. And, and get the fuck after it. Like what, what do you want to do? You know, you look at a, at a guy, whether you, whatever you think of him or not Elon Musk, I wanna send rockets to space. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna do it. You know, you kinda Gotta be well that's yeah. Everybody gave him shit. When he said that, thinking like, oh, who, you know, this guy's a lunatic, but he has the, the follow through to it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And he's, I love Elon. I love everything that, that, that guy does. And it's the crazy people that, that actually change the world and make a difference. You know what I mean? Like you have to be some level of, of, you know, every genius has a touch of insanity. The knocking doors down book shares all the history and inspiration behind the Carlos Vera foundation and how it all started all proceeds from the book benefit, the Carlos Vera foundation's race to be drug free campaign. So what's that all about through the race to be drug free campaign. Carlos Vera foundation raises awareness about drug abuse, donates to drug free programs and brings drug free speakers into schools to educate youth the race to be drug free campaigns. Main program is the gloves, not drugs boxing program. This program is completely free for kids between the ages of eight and 17 to learn discipline, strength, respect, comradery, and the art of boxing. The program was created to keep kids off the streets out of gangs and away from drugs for more info and to get involved, check out Carlos Vera foundation.org. Yeah. I, and for me, you know, as a parent, as well, father daughter like yourself, how can I sit and tell my kids go after it, chase your dreams if I'm being a hypocrite and I'm not. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like we gotta set that groundwork. No, I know. So like, I try to embrace for like my kids. My kids are like wicked creative, both of them. And which I hope is, is part of, you know, me being a poet, them seeing me perform. And like some of the things that poetry has brought to like my life, like being on the news and being able to travel and, and all like the treatment center and all the stuff that came after it, you know, my son has had a progression where he started doing comic books at a young age. So I was pushing him to, to draw comics and he was selling 'em for a dollar, a piece, you know? And then he moved to like animation on YouTube, draw in voiceovers, getting friends involved to like voice the characters and have storylines. And then we embraced it. And what's funny is now, so he just turned 14 years old and he he's like into rap, which like, I'm like a big rap fan. And I catch him every now and then free styling to himself. So now when we're walking the dogs, it's like, he goes a few lines. I go a few lines and we go back and forth, you know, because like, I feel like a lot of times people will tell you not to do something or not to chase your dreams, especially like at younger, you know, a young age, they want you boxed into like, you know, get a job, go to college, get a job, bury yourself in debt, outside the box, thinking isn't, isn't gonna get you anywhere where like, I wanna embrace the creativity. Cause I feel like modern day schools kind of destroy that passion that, you know, my, my daughter wants to be a singer, got a karaoke machine and, and try to push her to sing, but she got stage fright. So she has to, she gets too embarrassed around people. That's funny. See, I got, I got so SI fright. Like you put me on a stage. I'm fine. Yeah. Yep. Exactly. Prop me up there. I'm good. Like I'll do for, for 51 50 there MMA events. I'm good. Once I get in the ring and do the announcing, but then when I get off and people are like, man, you're really good. I'm like, you're like, thanks. I appreciate I don't inebriate myself anymore to have that ability, but I'm working on it. I'm fucking working on it. But that that's. And how cool is that? That you didn't listen to the naysayers and hear this son that your skill and these things that you wanted to do that your addiction hindered. You said, fuck it. I mean, I, I could have been dead. This isn't. Yeah. Kill me. And your opinion of me. Isn't gonna kill Me. Exactly. Well, it's also part of like recovery. What is recovery? It's stepping outside of your comfort zone, you know, and like public speaking, hopping in the ring and being in an announcer, doing poetry. Like these are all like unorthodox things that when you tell somebody their own fears, they're projecting on you and for how long did we sit in? Like that cage thinking that we weren't good enough, that we weren't capable of anything. We didn't deserve any better of a life. You know? Like I was on a suicide mission every day. Like I didn't wanna live cuz I didn't think I was worth it at, at one point. I didn't think anybody loved me because the wreckage that I caused and I don't like facing my wreckage. I don't like at that time when I was using and I I'd hurt my family I'd hurt a friend. I don't ever wanna face them. I wanna run, fight a flight. Let me take off cuz I don't wanna deal with the repercussions of what I caused. Yeah. You know, All to what, Whereas whereas now like looking at, at some of those outside the box things and the things that, that were really uncomfortable for me, especially in the early stages that I was able to grow, you know, into the, that where we're at right now, like I'm, you're in California right now. I'm in Massachusetts. We cross paths somehow. And we get to have like a conversation about recovery, about life parenting, a wide range of things that really stem from me getting clean. And then also me like from my side of it, when people were like, oh, what are you gonna do with poetry? It's a waste of time. Like, all right, I'm gonna prove you wrong. Just like when people told me I wasn't gonna stay clean or I'd be back in jail or I was gonna be a statistic. It's like, all right, that I'm gonna show you and I'm gonna, you know, exceed any expectations or the limits that you're gonna set. Well, and it's funny that you brought what you brought up about school. I think it was Gary Vanner check Gary V people in the, and he said, school's really good at building workers. It's not really good at building the creative entrepreneurial mind to go after that spirit and, and pursue what you wanna do. So it's good for the groundwork, but like, Hey parents, and it's nice to, to, to, I think one of the things we get outta recovery, we get a lot more switched on shit. We've seen both sides. We've seen a lot. And like one of the, one of the, the, I just did an interview that was like from, from addict to entrepreneur. And it asked about like some of the, the strengths from my drug use. Right. And how they've adapted into being a business owner and, and an entrepreneur. And a lot of it's like the risk, the risk taking risk versus reward, getting uncomfortable, taking chances. I mean, how, for me, so many times I was pushing the limits on, on doing whatever I had to do to get high that now I turn that same mentality into success. Yeah. You know what I mean? And for instance, I, I love sports. You see my man, Tom Brady behind me in his autograph, I got a bunch of autographs around my office, around my house. So I go to this like autograph shop and you know, I I'm pretty to myself when I'm, I don't really talk much to people, but I ended up getting into a conversation with the guy at the shop. Now he went to school to be an entrepreneur, huh. Right. Works for somebody doesn't own his own business. And he in turn tells me, as I shared with him that I I've take, you know, I've, I've owned businesses that have failed. I've take risks that I've failed. I haven't gotten discouraged, wiped the dart off, learned the lesson from it and moved on and used. What I learned into the next venture practical experience is, is what's made me a successful businessman. And he goes and tells me how school hurts him because he is so terrified to take a chance at anything because how much, you know, the, just the way they're educated to be an entrepreneur. Yeah. In a school setting, it's like, it just doesn't teach you compared to like, you know, the successes and failures that, that, that we might have faced. And I think our addiction, you know, you fallen 17 months ago gives you that drive of like, I can bounce back from anything. Like I got cleaned from shooting heroin and homelessness. There's nothing you can put in front of me that I don't think I'm gonna be able to get through. Oh, I fall short hair. Cool. Cut. Bait. Move on. Yeah. Like I'm not gonna, you know, I had a pizza shop. I had this great, you know, to talk about businesses. I had a, the last place I owned, 20% of it bought a couple of sober houses. So I was like, oh, the guys go through treatment. Then when they graduate treatment, they move to the sober house. And this pizza shop came on, you know, the market. I'm like, oh, it's a great idea. It's a get well job. Yeah. They can't really put drug addicts with cash on hand businesses. And no, I did it with the best intention at the time it ended up failing miserably. Cuz all I hired was like recovering addicts and you know, unfortunately Got wiped a bit. Huh? Yeah. You go to the register and be a little from time to time. It's like, you know, it was a bad, it was a bad business decision, but like I'm not gonna let it haunt me. It's it's a learning lesson. You know, I'll probably never get into the, the food industry ever Again, You know, but I'm willing to take the risk and you know, I took it on the chin and moved on, you know, Absolutely. This whole thing at life is a risk and we ain't gonna get out alive and we're not gonna get out with our stuff, you know? Yep. Our next partner has a product I use literally every day I started taking a G one because I wanted better gut help, more energy. And to optimize my immune system. If you're like me, you hate popping pills, taking vitamins. Well, I wanted a supplement that actually tastes great. And I wanted to see what the hype was all about. So what is this stuff? Well with one delicious scoop of ag one, you're absorbing 75 high quality vitamins minerals, whole foods, source, super foods, probiotics and Aptos to help you start your day. Right? No matter what your lifestyle is, keto, paleo, vegan, dairy free or gluten free ag one can work for you. Plus it contains less than one gram of sugar, no GMOs, no nasty chemicals or artificial. Anything while still tasting good ag one costs less than $3 a day. It's cheaper than getting all the different supplements yourself right now. It's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition. It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it? No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health to make it easy. Athletic greens is giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athletic greens.com emerging again, that's athletic greens.com emerging to take ownership of your health and pick the ultimate daily nutritional insurance people that Can't see their listen. So you got a skateboard and an autographed album and who's that behind you? So the skateboard is my brother, Brandon Nova. He's a good friend of mine, you know, recovery advocate, great speaker. He's like a brother to me, you know, I got one of his like personal skateboards, hung it up on the wall. He actually like de gave me a couple shoutouts and a couple of the books he wrote, which is like, you know, just incredible. Like it's, it's, it's cool that I get to cross paths with some like very interesting people and, and get to hear their story. And we come from like completely different backgrounds. But like the connection is, is, you know, the, the pain we went through, the struggle overcoming it and getting clean. It's like, you can really connect with just about, just about anybody. Yeah. You know what I mean? In that sense. And then Tom Brady is behind me, even though he don't play for the Patriots anymore. I still, you know, guy gave me 20 years of greatness as a, as a Boston sports fan. That's right. And then over my left shoulder as another really good friend of mine, SL he's a underground hip hop artist. He's an actor. He actually got clean in Cali. He was in gone baby, not gone, baby gone. Was it gone, baby, gone killing him softly. He's in like a bunch of movies played, played a cop in his last one, which was shocking. I forget the name. I forget the name on the spot of it. But he's like a, an extremely talented guy in all aspects. As an actor, as a musician, he's like a hot, cool underground rapper that Boston's not really known for hip hop. Sure. But like one of the things that I respect from him as an artist is that he tried to put other like up and coming hip hop cats on like an album, like the Boston project. He tried to give him shine cuz he has, you know, he has like a pretty far reach overseas up the east coast. And he's in recovery. Is that the dude that you were on his track or was it somebody else? Yeah, I, I have a track with him and another guy Rex. Okay. Where we we're talking about I'm my poem is of somebody who died where I'm talking like I'm from the other side. And they're talking about Rex was talking about a buddy of ours that passed away and saying, was talking about one of his friends, but I'm in a music video that he did called do what you love. And we did like a ton of charity work. Like I met him, not like before he was in recovery, just at like hiphop shows, cuz like I would do poetry events. I'd host hiphop, I'd perform it at some hiphop shows locally. And when he got clean, we crossed past and he, he knew like I was, you know, obviously big in the recovery community out here. And we, we did like a couple charity events. He had me host his, one of his album release parties. We worked together for a period of time and he actually just, he's in a partnership group that just opened up a detox and res Charles river recovery. Okay. Which is like 40, 30 minutes from where, where I am. So it's pretty cool to see the impact of like, you know, somebody, I look up to him a lot as like a writer, as an artist and you know, that's like, he's like one of my brothers, you know, big brother. Yeah. I'm gonna have to talk to that cat then, you know? Yeah, Yeah, no I'll connect you. But yeah, no Nova, I mean, that was cool cuz you know, talk to him twice first time like this via zoom and then to go, we actually at castle band with him and bam God, I hope bam is, is doing better man. But, but Nova it's great that he took that. He's got a real charisma to him and it's cool that he's turned that into a thing of, of helping others. I mean another guy become friends with Nova, got him into treatment, Tim loin. He's been here on the podcast and, and, and spoke with him on another one that, that you also appeared on. And it's just so cool how people that you know were so fucking selfish and are using that. We can't, we can't get outside of ourselves that now to be able to turn that around into something and like just, you had said this and I believe it was the, the conversation we had on the other podcasts that I do. And just like, I wake up and aim to be as service. Yeah. You know, that's what I got. Yeah. But that's like, you know, the charisma that he brings the inspiration. I remember when I was in high school and you'd bring in the dare speaker, it's like, they'd roll him in a wheelchair. And you'd talk about his 50 years of drink it. And we used to laugh like, oh, that'll never be me. That'll never be us. Well, what's cool. Nowadays is you have like, you know, inspirational speakers, like Nova going into schools, sharing with kids, trying to get them engaged. I know, you know, every time I try to talk to, to kids, you try to bring an element that like when I was in high school that they didn't have. Yeah. You know, everybody's falling asleep in the crowd to the guy that's not relatable that you can't connect with, but then you see somebody like Nova and he's like, yeah. You know, just breaking down all the achievements he has. And you know, you can check everything that he's done still hit bottom and was able to bounce back. I mean, it's, you know, it's extremely inspirational and you know, he's family to me. So yeah. I love Him. Good dude. Good dude. I hope, hope to see him again. At some point you said something earlier, interesting Matt, that you know about about that love and seeking love. Was it hard for you? This was a challenge. This was one of the last challenges through the AA steps. I'm a 12 step guy like you are, was I felt that presence of a higher power. I actually had a cool moment of spiritual awakening, but I still struggled in the aftermath that why would God love me? Do you find that with people that come into aftermath, that they struggle with that component? And did you struggle with that? Yeah. I mean, this, this, I have some severe like survivors, guilt survivors remorse that like I've lost a lot of my friends that I grew up with. And, and why, why was I like spared a sacrifice and still here when like, you know, other others were not like, what, what was the difference between me and them? That, that they ended up losing their life to this disease and yeah, somehow some way I'm still standing here. And then I also try to use that as like the purpose. Like I try to carry the message, carry their names and everything that I do as a way to like, you know, make sure that they didn't die in VA. You know, like a lot of times I feel like when we were, when we got into using there wasn't education, the way there is now, I'm not saying, you know, it doesn't matter. All the resources in the world could be out there. Addiction can still happen. But I feel like with Oxycontin in my generation and my group of friends in my area, it was like such a new wave. And it came over so fast spread like wildfire. And like, I mean, it's been taking people out and people haven't been able to get outta the grips of it. Yeah. You know, I'm fortunate that I got, I got clean at, at a young age, but then I I've watched so much death and destruction and like people that like genuinely wanted the help and, and they, they would have it. And they had the knowledge, we just lost a buddy of mine, Danny Mack, that like he could, he could recite the book and he was such an engaging powerful speaker. And like, unfortunately, you know, the disease got to him, you know, he didn't stopped taking care of himself, stopped probably doing the things that, that he needed to. And you know, the shit that's out there is no joke. I mean, it's something, you know, I always talk about when I was shooting heroin, I, I wanted to die every single night. I never feared that I was going to die. Right. With, with the joke that, that I used where nowadays, like people are terrified to use because you just don't, it's, it's just, it literally is killing people, you know, at such a rapid pace. Like it's, it's, it's insane. It's like absolute insanity. Well, You know, the, the fucking fentanyl sneaking into everything being split and cut and you know, I mean, we see what here, I don't know about there, but definitely with the pills, you know, people getting M 30 S and stuff and, and, you know, people are listening, maybe aren't in the drug recovery culture, like you and I are, but yeah, they're these, you know, getting these press pills, you know, someone's taking 'em man, cause some dude could be mixing it up in his fucking bath and, and oh, absolutely. Held a split. You get a hundred percent fentanyl you're gone. Yeah. I mean, we, another buddy, we lost that. When they went, went through his room, there was no needle, no syringe, no straw, no rolled up dollar bill, nothing. And I come to find out, he had popped one of those M 30 S that was a straight pressed fentanyl pill. And didn't make it, you know, like it's such a, a deadly lethal chemical component mixture, whatever that like, you know, is serious repercussions when you're using it. Yeah. You know, and it's like one of the most high break things about how, like we're seeing a lot more alcoholics and a lot of it's because there's not a lot of people that are making it out from, from using fentanyl. You know? I mean, it's really ravaging the country. I mean, every single year the overdose deaths have increased. It's the number one. Cause in deaths, in people from 18 to 35. Yeah. Like that's some serious, you know, that's a serious number right there. Yeah. You know, it's not, it's not car accidents. It's not, no, it's, It's overdose deaths is the leading cause for death in young adults. Yeah. Yeah. We've got a, A heartbreaking, A mental health issue that I, I don't have the solution to address. Yeah. But I think the more we get it out there that like, you know, talk about your problems and it's a good thing. It's a sign of strength, not weakness. Hopefully we can come across that. And you know, cause I don't know, other than people that care cuz our government ain't gonna do it For yeah. The government doesn't, doesn't give a shit. But I do think like my father and then to me, for, for an extent, when I was younger, we're taught to man up and not express feelings. Like my father only now in his, late in his sixties is starting to express himself a little bit softer than his entire life. But like as men, we're not told to talk about our problems, that it's a sign of weakness. One actually it's like a sign of strength that you're not holding onto it. You're not bottling it up that, you know, you can talk about having weak moments or feeling like, you know, being able to express whatever it is that you're going through. Yeah. You know, I think if we can continue that conversation of, of allowing us to be vulnerable, weak, and emotional at moments or whenever and pass that down to like our kids. So they're not scared of being like, Hey, you know, I'm feeling like this where you're gonna be shamed and told to man up, you know, don't cry, don't show your feelings. Like, you know, we need to raise, you know, kids that are better in tune with their emotions. Yeah. They don't have to seek that, that substance drinking or drug to kinda numb whatever emotion that they were dealing with the way, you know, I did when I was younger. Yeah. And for me fell in later and you know yeah. And when we to give context, we don't mean come home and show your emotion. Oh the day was fucked. And no, we, we may maybe come home to the significant other and hopefully you have a relationship environment, cuz this is something you should question. If you don't, if you're in the right place, you come home and just be man, I had a tough day at work. You know, the boss is grinding me. I felt like I was overachieving, whatever it is, you know, you know, man, a friend of mine is sick and you know, any of that kind of stuff It's yeah. Sad over it. Yeah. It's important. It's okay to go like man, I'm sad. My energy isn't there. It's okay to have these things. We don't mean be arranging Dick about it. No, no, But express it. Yeah. A healthy, we need to learn how to express these emotions and feelings in a healthy manner. Not outbursts. Yeah. And what, which is hard to learn what exactly that is, but you got, you gotta work it to figure it out. You know, It's, you know, everything's a process, nothing, you know, takes time, takes learning, finding the different skills on how to cope and deal with different things. Yeah. Which can be a motherfucker. Yeah. Definitely some challenges on, on the way to figuring some things out. I still haven't figured everything out. You know, do we, do we want to though? No, no right. To figure everything out, it'd be a boring life. What, what else are we living for? You know, there's gotta be some tweaks and, and things that we can work on. You know, I, I wanna ask cuz you've got some good longevity with, with new people that come into the program, do they get thrown off? Cuz I'm starting to get lately a lot of dudes, like what does this AA saying mean? What does this one mean? You know, as simple as one day at a time I broke it, broke it down for a dude in my perspective. Yeah. Do you have some of the newcomers kind of hitting you up about some of that stuff or the people in, in the aftermath? I mean sometimes, sometimes people, you know, they question why certain things of the way they are or certain approaches are or you know, they get overwhelmed when you start. Especially like with alcoholics that, that I've been seeing lately, like a lot of first, a second time in treatment, still struggling with the idea that they're an alcoholic and you know, they're like, I'm never gonna be able to drink ever again. And you're just like, nah, man, keep it in the day. You know, just, yeah, just make it through the day, one day at a time, you know, and you build on those little victories and then you achieve, you know, something more and don't try to look too far ahead because it's overwhelming. I gotta, I gotta P mine he's struggling, but his significant other doesn't want it, like hear it. It's this perspective of, oh, just stop, you'll be fine. And it's like, Oh, if it was only that easy, Right. How do you combat that stuff? I'm kind of seeking advice for him maybe to drop him this. I mean, sometimes you have to look at the relationship. A lot of our friendships and relationships are developed on that connection of drinking. Yeah. And then sometimes, you know, people grow a pot, friends grow a pot, significant others grow a pot. And maybe somebody has to take a look that if, if, if drinking has become such a problem and you're not necessarily getting that support, you know, if they're still, are they still actively drinking too and still partying, but expecting your friend to stop Or yeah. Yeah. I mean that, you know, if you're trying to stay sober and you come home to a girl that's still drinking, partying and being around that lifestyle, that's something that's really hard. It's not a very healthy environment. If you're trying to better your Life, it's a good path to fallen off real quick. Yeah. Like, I mean, imagine, you know, all it takes is one bad day, a fight with your boss and you come home and your girl's there drinking and you just, you know, you get a case of the buckets and you know, you just grab that bottle and, you know, washed away whatever time that you've gained, you know, it's really difficult and toxic settings like that. Yeah. Cause I, I, I think one of one thing that really was important to examine, and I know you went through it too, was realizing the snorting of other people, you know, that, that codependency, I mean, some of us just do and there's some people that that's all it is like, you wonder like, wow, her, her, that this man or woman was in this relationship. We recently had this in the news with two celebrities. Yeah. Seems like a terrible toxic place, but there's something about that process of the activation of flight or fight or flight mode and kicking our serotonin and dopamine. And we confuse all this horse shit with, with love and it ain't fucking love. It's just no, not at Alling people man. And I mean, some people like that, they were raised in chaos. Yeah. So being in chaos, chaotic situations like that is something that as sick as it sounds is like normal to some people like without that toxicity, you know, sometimes people can't be in the mundane relationship that like everything is going nice. They need to stir the pot, you know, drop a shirt on a pillow, you know? I mean, you know, who doesn't come home, you know, Hey, I need to spice things up, you know, let take a shit on somebody's pillow. It's fucking wow. It was a, it was a grumpy, Matt Was, it was the Dog. I forgot it was a gr it's a grumpy, a fucking, But that's, but that's the thing. Like we grow up a lot of times in like chaotic situations. Yeah. Like I've always, I've struggled significantly with love. Like I, I have never rarely seen like a healthy, normal relationship. And then I look back at my years of trying to, trying to date or figure out what is love and who I'm with. And like, all I see is the same cycle repeating itself. And you know, it stems a lot from like what we were raised in. And when you're raised in, you know, unhealthy relationships, like sometimes, you know, the abandonment issues kick in, you latch on, you know, as bad as it may be the fear of going out in the world and finding somebody else keeps you in situations that you're not happy in. And then, you know, that misery is, it's like a comforting misery that you're just, you know, you're attached to. And then that fear of separating. And then now you have to stand on your own and who are you as a person, if you're not with, you know, married to this girl or, or in a relationship with this guy? Like, who are you when you stand on your own too? You know, it, it's very difficult, especially when you put sick individuals, like all of us apart. And you're like, Hey, be, you know, do the American dream marriage, big house, white picket fence and, and raise healthy children, you know? Yeah. Oh, Doesn't always come, you know, out how the American dream has been portrayed to us since we were kids. Yeah. And there definitely is that thing, that fantasy mindset that is, I thrown out there that us addicts got a ditch. Cause we lived in so much of a fucking haz of a, a, a lack of reality for so damn long. So it's crazy, man. It's crazy. Matt, we're gonna finish up with some fun, random questions and leave you at the final words. Tell people how to hit you up and I'll include the links in the podcast description. Yeah. You can find me on Facebook, Matt, the poet on Instagram and Twitter at Matt G under school poet. The treatment center that I own is aftermath addiction treatment center on Twitter. It is aftermath at aftermath, TC on Instagram. It's at aftermath underscore treatment. Yeah. Look for the Phoenix. You know, I, we have a very good quality brand that, that pops and has some very sentimental meaning in the name and, and you know, Phoenix as a writer, I write a lot using the metaphor, rising out the ashes of an attic. Reborn is a Phoenix from the fire. Like I use, you know, those type of metaphors a lot. So having like the Phoenix is the logo or the treatment center was like, you know, it just like came to me, had to, had to put it up there. You know, I love it. This, this, this one. I can't even, I don't know that you can see that that's my, my pirate in a bird, but this was gonna be a Phoenix. But the design that the tattoo artist and I had, cause I got shit on my shoulder, on my left shoulder, wouldn't fit. So that'll be reserved for the right arm with Phoenix. Cause that, that gave me chills. I'm kind of with you on that with Man coming outta the ashes, you know, shitty situations as, as an addict or an alcoholic, you know, we're shedding that dead skin of, of our active use and reborn as a new person in sobriety, you know, the metaphor runs deep for, for what, what we do at aftermath. You know, Absolutely 51 50 is a lifestyle we believe in pushing yourself, finding your passion, knowing your dreams and working hard and always striving to make those dreams. Your reality. We believe life is too short to sit back and say, what if go after it, grab it and make it happen. Being 51 50 is committing to that long, hard road that road, you know, is going to be tough, but the most rewarding that's living the madness. That's 51 50. If you're living the 51 50 lifestyle, then celebrate by rocking the goods. So listen up. There's a special deal for listeners of knocking doors down, go to 5, 1 50 ltm.com and enter co KDD 20 and receive 20% off your purchase. That's five one F I F T Y ltm.com. All right, man. Let's jump into those random questions. Yep. If you could have dinner with any one person alive or not, who would it be? Damn or not? Could I do both? Somebody's alive and somebody who's dead. All Right, go ahead. Throw a dinner party. I would love to sit down with Tupac. Yeah. Tupac's like my favorite writer and the emotion and all that comes with it. And then a person that's would probably like to have conversation on, on how he's been able to adapt to his circumstances coming from where he came from to get to where he is and evolve as an artist. So I think that would be a cool two cool conversations, even though Tupac, Get to break bread on this. Exactly. You're stranded on a deserted island. You got one movie and one music album with you. What are they? Hmm. Movie would be probably Goodwill hunting. I watch that whenever. And then for album would be it's doc and hell is hot. All right. That's funny. I posted something the other day on my story. I said where it was. Do you like apples? How about them? Apples. Yep. Yep. I love Goodwill, huh? No, I love that movie. I mean, what hap there's like a bunch that come to mind, like I'm a big Marvel fan and, and style wars. If I could get a whole collection, it probably would've went to one of them, but you know, I'm gonna rock with a classic I'm with you on star wars. One of my things, my previous sponsor, he goes, what did you love to do as a kid? And I'm like, ride, ride my bike, this and I go, I love to build Legos. And he goes, all right. And he sent me a gift card. So now I've got two bookshelves full of star wars and race. So hell yeah. How'd you like OB how'd you like OB one? OB won was fucking dope, man. Oh, was so sick. I loved it. The scene with Veda. I mean that turned, you know, that tugged on my hot strings, you know, they're two great actors and like, I wish we could get more even though I don't. You can't, you can't play anything else out between them two. I, yeah. I wonder cuz I've read some rumor about that. They were gonna do a second season, but I'm like, where do you from That? Why you can't have Vader in it like that is, I personally believe it's a perfect segue into a new hope and, and where they are at that point. I don't think you can do too much after that. You know, If you were in a star wars movie or TV show, would you play a Jedi or a isn't isn't it? Yeah, man. You know, I mean, peace loving happiness is the Jedi. And you know, I probably try to figure out some, you know, weird way to gain power and I don't know, sister just cooler. Yeah. You know, I love Vata. Veta is my favorite character and any movie, his whole arc is pretty dope. So I think I'm gonna have to rock with, with Seth on That one. And the OB one series made me like the episodes one through three Even more. Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. It, it pulled me back in. Alright. You brought up Marvel. If you could have one superpower, what would it be So many of them to choose? Right. Probably fly. Yeah. They fly and be pretty dope. Just get where you want to go. Huh? Yeah. You know, don't gotta sit through TSA, go hop on the island. I'll go shoot down to Bo Bo. Oh dude, I'll go with you. If you can carry, That's just carry a couple people, you know, get like something to, to latch on. And we'll just, you know, we'll whip there real quick. Yeah. The, my girlfriend and I, we did a vision board and so for the vacation, I got the, the, the little huts over the water and Bo board. That'ss The spot I wanna Go before I die. I wanna make a trip out there because it looks so beautiful and peaceful and there's nothing. It's like, you have those little huts and you can just soak up, you know, just natural beauty, you know, peace, peace and quiet out there. At least that's the way it seems in pictures. Right. That's that's what they show on the reality TV Too. And real beautiful out there. Absolutely. Matt, thanks brother. If you got any words you wanna throw out to people, you know, through your experience, you know, floor is yours. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, anybody that's out there struggling, you know, keep fighting, never give up. We all fall down. Don't get discourage at yourself or beat yourself up. When, when we have little slips, very few people actually get it in their first time. But the worst part, you know, is when you beat yourself up, you don't end up making it back. So I play in like a men's basketball league and, and we have a kid on our team that fell off, got into a bad car accident, faces all messed up. And we were trying to talk him into like going into detox yesterday. And it's like, you can tell sometimes the burden and, and the shame just like drives you away. And you're just like, yeah, I'm gonna do it tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and you don't do it. And then another day or next week or Monday, or, or on the first or whatever it is. And all of a sudden you're on like a five to six month run, creating even more wreckage where, you know, just put the bat down, stop beating yourself up, give yourself a chance, reach out to people that are out there asking for help. You know, I know it might not feel like it, but you deserve a far better life than it, you know, revolving. You're waking second from using, from drinking, from lion sheet and stealing. You don't have to live a life like that anymore. And you know, just give yourself a shot. You know, life is a hell of a lot better on this side of things. When we get to see things clearly be present in our kids' life, have a good support network, great friendships that aren't based off of your drinking buddies or who can get the best dope or Coke, or who has money, you know, and do the things that you love to do. You know, recovery's a lot about hitting meetings, building a network, you know, finding the supports in every way, but find the things that you love to do on top of that. You know, like sometimes people get caught up and it's just meetings and meetings and meetings. And like, you know, you get meeting, you get meetings out really quick. So find some of the things that you love. You know, I'm blessed that, you know, my son's into like comic books and style wars. So we go see those movies. I play basketball sports. You know, we get involved in a lot of like the recovery events out, out our way. So find things that you love to do hiking beach, you know, you still gotta live your life and enjoy it and be happy. You know, that sadness, that hopelessness is too heavy of a burden to bear. So This podcast contains the views and opinions of the knocking doors down hosts and their guests to the show. The content here should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only. And because each person is sharing their unique perspective, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions, views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work while we make every effort to ensure that the information we are sharing is accurate. We welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us for those wishing anonymity people, places and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality at the request of certain guests. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including, but not limited to establishing standard of care in a legal sense, or as a basis for expert witness testimony, no guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website in no way, does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with their content, establish a doctor, patient relationship. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast or blogs, please send a message through the contact page. This podcast is owned by K D D media company.
Sunday Aug 14, 2022
Sunday Aug 14, 2022
Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all audio platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. Why did I want to talk with Marci Hopkins on Knockin' Doorz Down? Marci Hopkins is an award-winning TV Personality; host and creator of Wake Up with Marci and a Recovery Expert on Fox, CBS, NBC, and ABC, and author of ‘Chaos to Clarity: Seeing The Signs and Breaking The Cycles’ Wake Up with Marci is a talk show - which airs on CBS-owned WLNY-TV 10/55 in the Tri-State area and Streams on Hulu Live at 10 am on Saturdays. The show is also available on all Podcast Platforms. Wake Up is a talk show all about inspiration and empowerment. Marci shares stories of triumph and transformation to spread hope. She shares celebrity inspiration, spreads hope through triumphant stories, and has Industry Leaders on to educate the audience and provide resources so the viewer can put their lives into action. Wake Up is about living our happiest lives! Marci has candid conversations with her guests and her mission is simple: She’s committed to changing lives as an authority on recovery spreading hope and happiness. She gives others' stories a voice. “My guests are living proof that it is possible to heal and that difficult situations do not have to define you...I hope viewers find strength, hope, and their purpose through these stories.” The show is a passion project for Marci, who is six years sober after winning her battle with alcoholism. When Marci’s not hosting her show, the mother-of-two devotes much of her time to giving back to her community. Marci supports the Kumali Organization and other orphanages in Uganda, Africa. Since her fundraising efforts, one of the ministries has been able to buy land and build a home for the children. She is also on the board of the YWCA, dedicated to eliminating racism, empowering women, and promoting peace, justice, freedom, and dignity for all. The YWCA also helps women and children through Healing Space, helping those sexually assaulted. This is most important to her because she is a survivor of sexual abuse. Marci has also helped to open a safe haven for women and children in New Jersey through her interview and support of Access Family Services. Marci was awarded for her support. Marci has been honored as 2021 TOP 25 LEADING WOMEN ENTREPRENEURS by Leading Women Entrepreneurs, she has received the Women’s Achievement Award from The New Jersey State Federation Women’s Club. This is Marci Hopkins in her own words on Knockin' Doorz Down! For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved. #MarciHopkinsr #onedayatatime #wedorecover
Monday Aug 08, 2022
Monday Aug 08, 2022
Listen to and Subscribe to the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast on all platforms and on YouTube for more amazing interviews at https://www.KDDPodcast.com and follow Knockin' Doorz Down on social media. Why did I want to talk with Matt Gardiner on Knockin' Doorz Down? Matt is a highly sought-after recovery coach, sound therapist, and host of the Beyond Recovery podcast bringing on weekly guests to talk about their “Hero’s Journeys” from the darkness of addiction into the light of Recovery. Matt and I have an interesting talk that includes protecting your sobriety, and how not doing so led to Matt having a relapse. Matt battled alcoholism from his late teens deep into his adult life. He has been sober since April 8th, 2019. We dig into his family history of alcoholism and how it was a part of the demise of several family members. Seeing alcohol use as a child caused him to think that his excessive use of alcohol and at times other substances were quite normal and acceptable. Matt also shares the process he uses as a recovery coach and sound therapist with his client. He works with his clients in a way that helps them develop tools to cope with past traumas as well as handle new adversities. In addition, Matt is the host of the Beyond Recovery podcast. This is Matt Gardiner in his own words, on the Knockin’ Doorz Down podcast. For more on Matt Gardiner https://linktr.ee/mattgardiner555 For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/ For more information on Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the Carlos Vieira Foundation, the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/ © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved. #MattGardiner #onedayatatime #wedorecover
Knockin' Doorz Down
Knockin‘ Doorz Down Informative, engaging, and humorous conversations to end the stigma around addiction and mental health issues.
Hosted by Jason Alcoholic/Addict and Mikey full of anxiety and depression. Real raw and true stories think a long share at a recovery group meeting. Features guest celebrities, everyday people, and experts in the areas of addiction and mental health. Sharing their experiences and how they were able to break through and live a purposeful life with passion, and inspiring others to be their best selves. If you‘re looking for weekly inspiration, some laughs, how our guests climbed out of dark times, and motivation to push through, subscribe now. New episodes Monday‘s!